keeping up with yesterday

Love...God

2009-04-14T19:29:00.003-06:00

I have a very wise and knowledgeable father (he reads Hebrew...need I say more?) and a mother who molded up a faith in me from a young age, the basis for unwavering faith in the truth.
No doubts.
Plenty of room for immaturity though. Not understanding the value and the personal meaning of the gift of Jesus Christ...more of an inheritance...misunderstood. He had been mine since I could talk and invite him in my heart.
In High School, I went on a week long canoe adventure, bible camp style. One day, we were given a few hours to have quiet time with God with the expectation of returning with some 'nugget' of inspiration for the rest of the group. We were all physically exhausted from paddling and I was looking forward to quickly finishing the task and spending the rest of the time napping...great plan.
I sat down by the rippling river with my bible and decided that the tried and true method of 'whatever page it opens to and I close my eyes and point to the verse' style of inspiration would suffice. That is 'divine', isn't it? (I groan now.)
This 'inspiration' led me to what at the moment I thought was a pathetic verse...'God is Love'. I think that is in 1 John somewhere...4:8 maybe?
I groaned...was this it? I had to come up with more than that. 'How pathetic!' I shamefully thought. '...um duh! Everyone knows that...how could this inspire?'
I laid down on the rocks...propped up on my side, on my sweater, and decided maybe I would nap first...before 'expanding' on my inspiration.
And then...almost like a well filmed movie shot... my eyes slowly focused in on something...sitting beautifully clean and clear, obviously placed ABOVE all the other rocks that were nestled in the mud settled riverside. A black, heart shaped rock, with a perfect white heart shaped vein embedded within.
I tingled...from my head to my toes. I had never yet had a romantic experience...but this was what I imagined I would feel...to know true love. To feel it. To know it. To know it was arranged there for ME. This was NO coincidence.
Could HE really love me like this? Could it be so REAL?
It made me cry.
To this day my family knows how much 'hearts' mean to me...I see them in clouds, in trees, even in bird poop (sacrilegious...I know)...they are my gifts from God. Some have questioned whether they are like a fleece, confirming my belief. No. I always knew. I just never FELT how much. I don't 'need' the hearts. I am just thankful for them, they are frivolous and charming to me...not necessary...in excess rather, like diamonds.
There is so much more to my 'ROCK'. So many gifts that have come with the 'Rock'. You can only imagine...it would take too long. Children's stories, testimonies...that have come from my rock.
A simple little cherished treasure.

vignette junkie

2009-04-12T18:16:00.006-06:00

I can never get away from doing little vignettes with the things I have...I guess because I don't have too many large, spectacular items I like to bunch them in a meaningful way.
I call this..'Spirit'...of Love. My painting, a cherished photo of my Oma and Opa (with a romantic inscription on the back...'hold me always, as in this photo'), my rock from God...and a special teddy from a dear friend whom I learned a lot from.
This on I called 'Vessels'. We are. Fine ones, broken ones, glass ones, small and large.
Nothing special. I will need something to put on the large wall behind the couch (on the right in this photo...any ideas?)
My nature nook, ode to Tim. The teddies are all Canadian animals, an Alan High photo of the northern lights...
'History' is the title for this one, clocks, glass doorknobs and a picture of my great grandfather with his pocket watch. In english the german quote means 'Jesus Christ. Yesterday, Today and the same for all eternity.'

Oh and Jobina...I did the blue in the bathroom!

alive and well

2009-03-06T09:04:00.003-07:00

well folks, it has been a while hasn't it? Sorry about that.
I've missed you all.
This last month I have not been on the computer very much at all. I have not been able to indulge my addictions to facebook and blogger and all the little crafty sites I like to frequent..
We have been living in the basement of some really nice people here in Drayton Valley...until the BIG move (yes, once again! Aren't you getting tired of hearing about our moves?)
Well, we are FINALLY into our new place.
The rent is crazy, but we are so excited to have room to breath. Each of the children could have their own room...though the two younger boys are choosing to share...so we have an OFFICE now!. We have a yard (WOOHOO!) and a double car garage! So nice!
I will post pictures soon of the renovations they did, I am really enjoying the new place.
I will need your advise on what to use as an accent color to the brown that is going on everywhere...I am leaning towards white or red...get your ideas ready!
I'll be back soon!

yesterday

2009-01-25T13:27:00.003-07:00

have you ever wondered about the title of my blog...
keeping up with yesterday...
It seems as though the path our life is on has many turns, bumps, rocks and ankle spraining potholes. Don't get me wrong though, we love a good hike...invigorating journey that gets us good and winded...legs burning with every new peak we conquer.
At the same time though we tend to miss the scenery along the way...that is what this blog is all about. I come here at times when I have a moment to catch a breath on the journey...when I can just lean into my back pack, grab a water bottle and turn around to see the path that I have most recently conquered.

We are currently forging onward on an upward stretch...again...an undiscovered, unexpected course.

I got a new job. In the same school as Tim!
We will be transferring the kids to the school as well and we will ALL be commuting until we can find...another...new...place...to...live....

I keep clicking the enter button because I don't know what else to say...I'll just let that sink in for a bit and wait for the comments.

quiet holidays

2008-12-31T11:28:00.007-07:00

I have been blessed with two weeks paid vacation...my boss knows how hard it is to work for her. LOL. The hubster has his two weeks from school. It has been nice. We love our little family. They fight...but they always come around. We have not been attending a church anywhere, we have celebrated the advent season at home (how I imagine many families have done in the past when the horse just wouldn't pull the wagon anywhere in the snow...).
We've had school play productions, crafting, tree decorating, family visiting...it's been very nice.
See you in the new year.
(1. Our advent candles 2. Ornaments I crafted 3. Our Balcony 4-5. Us and our humble tree 6. Our sacreligious communion shooter. 7. A shot I took at the kids drama production 8. My daughter's self inspired Nativity Scene (note: Joseph has no feet , must have been a long walk...and their garments made from kleenex and markers...LOVED it so much it took the place of honor in our living room!)

2008-12-18T07:39:00.003-07:00

Thirteen of MY FAVORITE MOVIES

I had a new commenter yesterday who visited me from Debbie's ATW blog...HI LANA! When I went to visit her she had this fun 'Thursday Thirteen' thing going on that I though I would try. I was inspired because hers was about movies this week...normally these meme lists drive me a little loopy.
This is, however, in my books, is the season for good, old movies...and in case you haven't viewed any of these, or you need to be reminded of a 'gooder' for Christmas Vacation...here goes. ( I include series I love as well for those of you who like to run movie marathons)
1. The Count of Monte Cristo
2. The Village
3. Emma
4. Sense and Sensibility
5. The Sound of Music
6. Fiddler on the Roof
7. The Man in the Iron Mask
8. Star Wars Trilogy
9. Indiana Jones...all.
10. Sixth Sense
11. Shrek
12. Zorro (with Anthony Hopkins andAntonia Banderes)
13. Spiderman
Oh...there are so many more than I could mention...The Bridge to Teribithia and The Princess Bride come to mind instantly...(who doesn't love the line 'anybody want a peanut'...) but I am limited to my favorite 13. If you feel like doing your own list...let me know so that I can try them out in the next two weeks...
oh.oh.oh...The Notebook...
okay I'll quit now.

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enter my sick, twisted mind for a moment

2008-12-02T12:40:00.007-07:00

Do you sometimes hear things wrong...or read things wrong?
I have learned to just wait a moment...take a step back and not assume the worst. I must be reading this wrong...sure enough...I was probably wrong.

Can you try to imagine what I thought THIS CRAFT INSTRUCTION was for...

If you are not like me then maybe you won't be able to guess.

somber thankfulness

2008-11-30T10:19:00.002-07:00

so...after reading news articles on the internet all day yesterday I have THANKFULLY discovered that the family who I thought was perished is not MY JACOB's family.

Mennonites have a way of using common names FREQUENTLY in their circles and news reporters don't know to include the same 'distinguishing' tags on to the family description. If I still would have been living in the area people would make sure to describe this Rempel family as the 'so and so' Rempels. All of the first names are the same as the ones I knew...even the ages...but they are in fact a different Rempel family.

I am still hoping you will join me in praying for the Rempel family who HAVE lost loved ones this week...so close to Christmas.

jesus loves the little children

2008-11-29T11:34:00.003-07:00

When we lived in southern Alberta I worked for the school division there as a special needs care provider to two severely mentally handicapped brothers. We got to know their family as well.
I sang to Jacob a lot...he loved to hear singing of any kind...it always soothed him.

Jesus loves you up close and personal now Jacob!

Jacob and his parents were three of seven that perished in a very tragic car crash in Colorado this week.

My prayers go out to the 5 children they still have at home in Vauxhall...one of whom was the other boy I worked with...we are not sure if we'll be able to get to the funeral. We didn't know the other families but our thoughts and prayers go out to them as well.

thoughts

2008-11-27T21:41:00.004-07:00

I've been doing a word study on cynicism, skepticism...and the like. I admit that very much of my character includes elements of both of these.
I am curious though...because I ALSO have joy...and contentment and peace in my soul.
I don't compartmentalize these either...I can experience them all at the same time.
I do experience ungodly criticism at times...and daily confess this to my Lord.

What do you think?

follow you

2008-11-18T08:57:00.003-07:00

Many couples traditionally use passages from Ruth at their weddings.
We did too.
Our passage was chosen by me...it was from a heart of commitment.
Ruth is actually speaking to her mother in law...but my heart felt like the words she spoke would be important for Tim and I...little did I know.

'Where you go, I will go'...

For those of you who are regular followers of my blog and my life you will realize how poignant this verse is.

Tim has an interview in Drayton Valley today...that's an hour and a half from here.

15 Years

2008-11-13T08:09:00.004-07:00

I Love You! Our marriage vows mean the same to me today as they did 15 years ago. Our bible passage was not chosen lightly...it is still woven to my heart...as are YOU.

kimberly

2008-11-09T08:17:00.003-07:00

Thank you Kimberly...for finding the song for me. The first song on the playlist is the song I listened to on the radio the other day. Kimberly found it for me.
I downloaded a couple of others from this artist as well...hope you like Brooke as much as I do.

So...sorry for not posting in a 'coons age.

It amazes me that I can have SO much on my mind yet when I come over to my blog...I have nothing to say. Sadly...my most meaningful friendships right now are with those in the blogger world...that is how alone we have become in the city.

I am thankful for my mom and my sister and my husband...they keep me sane. I miss a lot my other friendships though...my friends who I used to scrapbook with...the ones who's homes I would invade for coffee until the wee insane hours of the morning. I don't have anyone like that right now.

The hubster has once again been applying for work.
His TA job has been good...and a much needed source of income. His contract however, ends in December and he has been searching all over for another teaching position or TA position. Not many positions BEGIN in December...

...except for one in southern Alberta.

Again...a full circle. If he gets this job he will be commuting on the weekends. It's a 5 hour drive.

I don't believe in deja vu...but this is SO it.

Pray for us. Pray for the people who will find it hard to take if we move again next year.

We are considering the idea of homeschooling because our children need some stability. They are tired of settling into new schools everytime we move. I am tired of getting services established from scratch for our son with high-functioning autism (because the powers that be ALWAYS make false assumptions about his abilities and then ALWAYS back peddle when they realize they have been wrong to NOT trust the diagnosis...sorry...slight rant there!). Homeschooling with a good social net could work well for him. I would be able to provide the one on one he needs.

I know there are MANY homeschoolers in bloggy land. I will come searching for some good advice when we get to that bridge...be warned...keep your 'black book' ready for when I need it folks. I will love you for it!

Anyways. We would be okay with a relocation back to southern Alberta...that's where we had hoped to be staying for good...two years ago! The job for the 'man' is one that he is custom cut for...

Oh...my head is swimming again.

I need a good coffee with a neutral and loving and honestly inquiring friend...

Good thing I'm off to church.

Where I can meet with the Lord!

found in you

2008-10-30T12:02:00.003-06:00

remembering today that I have asked God to hold me in His hands...because I tend to forget this...a lot...not the fact that he does but more like the 'you lose your sunglasses and they are right on the top of your head' kind of forgetting.
I took an hour away from work today to run a quick errand and I got to listen to my OWN music (as opposed to the SHREK soundtrack currently in the CD player) so I turned the local Christian Music Radio channel on and got to listen to a really moving song that was just what I needed to hear in the midst of my chaos. Life has been kind of rough lately and some days I lose myself in all of it. The song talked about remembering that when you lose yourself, as christians we need to remember that we are found in Him...

The $11 House

2008-10-22T22:37:00.004-06:00

I have yet to have a blog contest. I really wish I thought I had something spectacular enough for all of you to wish you had...maybe I'll have to have a contest for the Christmas Ornaments I am making. That IS just around the corner you know. Christmas, that is.

I am entering a contest though. An amazing contest that I think any of you should also apply for.
It's for a house. Here in Edmonton.

Hold On...don't stop reading because you live in the U.S.
This contest is open to all of you as well, in fact there have been applications from the U.S. already!

Here is the LINK to see the contest.

This man has rescued a 100 year old house from probable demolition. He has gutted it, and completely renovated it, inside and out and is now looking to give it away. He and his wife (and probably a committee of some kind) are planning on reviewing up to 40, 000 applications to decide who should win the house. Check it out!

What an amazing chance. For only $11 you can enter this contest too!

where did he go?

2008-10-16T23:12:00.004-06:00

I miss my 12 year old.
He lives with us. He sleeps in his bed and wears his clothes...yet...he is not the same boy.
He is in grade seven you know. He has a girlfriend now.
It doesn't just happen to girls...boys have the 'change' too when they are turning teenager. It was swift, instant and irreversible.
I mourn.
He used to care what we thought. He used to trust us and ask for our opinion. He used to atleast show that some of what we said was sinking in.
His brain no longer computes. Saying things once, twice, three times doesn't register any more. Everything that happens between him and his siblings is 'their' fault and are viewed as GRAND injustices to the mankind (which is defined as HIM alone). These same injustices are 'no big deal' if inflicted by him onto them though...to be clear...and are instantly dismissed by him.
Meditation is futile and is viewed as either a complete violation to his 'freedom' and 'privacy' OR the other extreme where he is made painfully aware of his shortcomings and so in turn wants to 'kill himself' because we would be 'better off without him'.

Oh MY! How much do I give credit to that drama?

I love him. To bits. I cannot imagine ever living without him in my life. He KNOWS this.
But I wish he would come back...and be my boy again. Without all the extreme drama.

Some days. I know this is part of this season of his life but...some days...

things you never thought you'd say or hear

2008-10-11T16:31:00.005-06:00

The following list is one I've been compiling for a short while, like maybe a month or so...so you can imagine how strange my world in child care is. And again....I work in child care so you need to try to imagine these things in context...

1. Marky...stop licking the stereo!
2. Can you get the monkey out of my pocket?
3. Does anyone know why there is a COW in the microwave?
4. Do you put the lentils in the castle at YOUR house? That's just not nice!
5. Okay everyone...who else has boogers for me to fix?
6. Did you poo? Show me the poo...
7. Did you bury her shoe by the slide or the swing?
8. I am pretty sure that no one else wants to see your penis Marky, lets' keep your pants up okay?
9. Did I just hear someone puke? (This was on the bus, on our way to a field trip destination)

There are more...but child care also has a way of sucking brain cells right out of you so I forget some of the really good ones.

How about you...do you remember any prize quotes?

tag, I'm it!

2008-10-03T20:51:00.003-06:00

Kimberly from Hokey Pokey Life tagged me. I haven't been tagged in a while, I run really fast at the playground...but she caught me.
I'm kind of bossy though and I made up my own rules instead...actually I'm also a liar, liar pants on fire because I'm going to steal the new rules form Mamasphere (though I'm even going to change hers a bit). She just did one that was more concrete...which is a tad easier for me, so that I'm not staring into space for an hour or so.

Four jobs I’ve had:
*Greenhouse Manager (when I started I didn't know a petunia from a marigold!)
*Daycare Manager
*Insurance Office Administrative Assistant...don't hold it against me!
*Bakery Attendant at Safeway

Four movies I can watch over and over:
*Sound of Music. 'tis a must over the holidays...Christmas, Easter or Thanksgiving...it's a TRADITION!
*The Village- M.Night Shyamalin (did I spell that right?)
*Sense and Sensibility (Emma Thompson's version. Really anything with her or any Shakespear with Kenneth Branaugh will do it for me...oh and EMMA with Gwyneth Paltrow)
*The Count of Monte Cristo

Four places I’ve lived:
*New York City
*Louisville, Kentucky
*High Level, Alberta
*Edmonton, Alberta

Four TV shows I love:
*CSI...all except for Miami...is Horation really dead? Would maybe consider it again if he was.
*LOST...if they EVER come back on the air.
*HEROES
*HOUSE

Four places I’ve vacationed:
*Radium Hot Springs
*Anaheim
*Banff
*Montana

Four of my favorite dishes:
*Chicken Asparagus Braid
*Thanksgiving dinner (it counts as a dish because I like it all mushed together)...this one I stole directly from Mamasphere!
*Rouladen
*Lasagna

Four sites I have bookmarked and like to visit once in a while:
*Martha Stewart Living
*The Crafty Crow
*My Facebook Page
*SITS and BATW...duuuh (I know, that's two, but they are synonomous for me)

Four places I would love to be right now:
*Home, in my pajamas
*Coffeeing with good friends, anywhere.
*Europe
*Driving in the mountains...destination Hot Springs.
Hey, wait a minute...I'm doing that this weekend.

Kimberly, I like you SO much but I'm going to be a party pooper and run away from the park without tagging anyone...I just don't have that many friends yet. If anyone would like to play tag feel free to pick up the game. It is always fun to see what people will say.

Chips

2008-10-03T08:07:00.004-06:00

Melissa over at Stretch Marks posted about her favorite chips a few eons ago...you may remember.
I TOO have a chip...to die for.
LA COCINA Chips.
They are manufactured in Manitoba...and sold mostly only in Manitoba.
I however, now live in Alberta.
Well...thank goodness my mom and dad just drove all the way to Manitoba to buy themselves a new car because I was just about getting the jitters having run out of the supply I bought before we left!
I was at a staff meeting last night but apparently she stopped by to bring me not one box of 12 bags but two boxes!!!! YAY!!! (She took four bags for herself...that is a high price to pay but well worth it!!)
These chips are perfect in every way.
The are the thinnest tortilla chip I have ever come across, they are light. They are perfectly salted...just light enough to please.
MMM...Thanks MOM and DAD!!!!
Pssst...is it wrong to eat chips for breakfast????

WELCOME!!!

2008-09-28T23:08:00.007-06:00

Welcome to CANADA all you BATW folks!

Debbie is right...we are home of the canucks (though I still really don't know what those are), ice hockey (though I usually leave the room when the guys start watching), muskrats (though we are more familiar with...um...hamsters, chihuahuas, cats and such here in the city) and the 'eh thing...well that is somewhat of a geographical thing...'eh Jennifer...wouldn't ya say?

We hope you stay for a while and get to know some of our more distinctly Canadian icons.
I could compile a GRAND list...and if you are Canadian, and posting a comment, please feel free to add you own, that I am sure I will miss.

Enjoy your stay.

My purely Canadian List (with fun LINKS...don't miss them), spoken as if to Americans, whom I imagine will be the majority of my visitors.

1. Poutine. A sinful dish. French Fries covered with fresh cheese curds that are melted by hot beef gravy on top. MMM.
2. We call our knitted woolen hats TOQUES(rhymes with kook and can also be spelled tUque)...I think some of you call them beanies? We'll need to get those out soon...probably sooner than you.
3. Americans travel miles...we travel kilometres...but most of us call them 'clicks'. Don't ask me why.
4. We have Telephones...but we also have Francophones and Anglophones...and they all cause a political nightmare in the middle of our country (Quebec)...most of us that live in the west of the country could really care two hoots about what they are fighting about over there in the middle (well...usually we don't really care)
5. A whole SCHWACK load of American movies are filmed right here in Canada!!! LOTS and LOTS. We are cheaper and apparently a tad bit nicer in terms of hospitality...teensy bit.
6. Don't judge us...we drink homo milk...not whole milk. (both are homogenized)
7. Our chocolate...You have Hershey's M&M's (don't melt in your hands)...we have those too and our own...Nestle's Smarties (they leave your hands looking like a happy rainbow...even IF you eat the red ones last {inside joke}). They are distinctly different. You have smarties too...we call those rockets or sweet tarts...and we usually only have them at halloween.
8. I like YOUR 'mickey'...he's cute and he's a mouse. Our mickey is a thirteen ounce liquor bottle that bums carry around in a paper bag downtown.
9. The last letter of the alphabet is called ZED here. I could get kicked out of the country for saying this...but I think it's stupid! ZED does NOT rhyme with 'won't you come and sing with me...' I'm just saying is all. And TED or NED (the alternatives to ME) sounds kinda creepy.
10. We are the third largest producer of diamonds in the world.
11. 80% of the world's maple syrup comes from us (um...ya look at the flag!). Mostly right in the heart of Quebec.
12. Fort McMurray, AB has more oil than any other place on Earth. This petroleum deposit is known as the Alberta Tar Sands, where more than 2.5 trillion barrels of bitumen, a black, gooey, tar-like form of oil, are soaked into the sand. It is also believed that there are another 800 billion barrels of this bitumen soaked into the porus dolomite layer, beneath the sand deposits. ( I had to cut and paste that because I knew about it but didn't know how to say it)

So, there you go.Do you know of anything else?

So thanks for flying in. The layover could be memorable...'eh.

Oh...Almost forgot my pics of our money, honey!

teachers...hear my plea!

2008-09-24T21:06:00.004-06:00

to all the teachers out there in blogger world. I have a beef.
Homework.
Do you realize that Homework ruins lives...makes parents and children go to bed grumpy, hungry, aggravated and annoyed with you!? ...or the publishers of textbooks and handouts that are written in code !Please send us a manual for each question...this is ENTIRELY necessary.
We try. We really do. It just sucks...always has...always will.
I am sometimes convinced that you don't have school aged children of your own or you would never subject us to it. Please consider that our brains...parents and children alike are working at half-strength in the evening...so we don't have what it takes to get it done properly.
We want to be watching TV with our kids. We want to be kicking back throwing a football around with them. We want to put them to bed early so that they are bright eyed and bushy tailed for YOU!!! The ones to whom we indirectly pay our taxes to...to teach them.
I find myself questioning your ability to time manage if you can't find a way to teach what you need to in one day...and I am not proud of that. I would NEVER want your job. YOU are my hero.
Please be my hero in the evenings too. Love me. Realize that I have homework...times four! Just think about it a little bit.
I also still love to pee...and poo...and take my time doing so. I like to take a long shower once in a while and linger over a cup of tea (and I would hate to spill it on the homework). I am married and really want to stay that way...and I've heard that there is a world of people out in the world that are kind of fun to spend time with...I think they are called extended family and neighbours...I forget though because I haven't spent any time with any since my kids started school. Have there been any movies in the theaters since The Lion King...what would you recommend?
Please ...oh please. Save me. You have the power. I want you to feel it...to know it's strength. It is strength that provides you with more than an apple shaped cup at Christmas...because the LOVE it would bring would inspire trips to cool stores that are found by lingering shopping trips rather than quicky 'down the teacher gift aisle' at Wacky-Mart while we pick up another damn piece of bristol board and a new pair of shoes (for the bleepin box...not the shoes!) for the POSTER and the MINIATURE LEOPARD HABITAT that's due TOmoRRow!!!!! The DAY before CHRISTMAS!!!! kind of LOVE!!!!

Take a breath. oam...oam...find a happy place.

I sent my daughter to bed early tonight (9:30 pm!!!- um, she's 8.) I sent her to bed without her homework done, because I'm done. Done doing homework.
I sent you a nice note. Letting you know why she's not done.
Not like this note.
A nice note.
I hope you are not a random blogger in the world of SITS.
If you are...well sorry.
Sort of.

Good night.

fall photos

2008-09-22T08:01:00.006-06:00

melt me

2008-09-13T10:32:00.002-06:00

melt me, mold me, make me, use me

the lyrics to that old song come to mind this morning as I sit here being melted by His Holy Spirit once again. Music...through Him...melts me.

I don't always like to be melted. I don't cry very often. I am not sure why. Maybe it's because I don't let myself. Though often, I wish I could show more emotion, and I almost feel guilty that I am cold. Yet there are times like this morning where I just melt, and I can thank Him.

The sun is shining through the windows. I'm happily ignoring the mess all around the house. I've set up a puzzle at the kitchen table for myself, and whoever would like to join me. The kids are eating home made waffles, cooked lovingly by my hubster. Real whip Cream! I cranked up my Brian Doerksen CD...and let it sink in.

I have SO much to be thankful for.

For today. For this moment. I will let that sink in.
For nourishment. For refreshing.

I could continue to dwell on the everyday stress called my life. The finances. The job. They really are THAT bad.

But I won't. I will confess my need.
I will lay it down.

'YOU are salvation from myself. I don't need anything but YOU.
I don't need anything that you won't supply. I just need to trust that you will always supply. You are my ever present help.'

YOU ARE SALVATION FROM MYSELF.

Let the tears come.
Melt Me.

Leaving the puzzle at the table...and the mess that would make my sister and mother cringe (for a moment, because they love me anyways)...throwing some pants on, and a sweater (no bra...shhh!)...heading out the door because hubster wants to walk down the street with me to check out a garage sale.

BLISS!

flashy, clashy button

2008-09-04T18:40:00.006-06:00

I have met some wonderful people here in the cyber world. Ones whom, at the drop of a hat, I am sure I would have over for coffee if I knew they were in town. Though never having met them in person.
I have a button (off to the right there, the ones that clashes with my blog, but I allow there because , well, they rock) that links to SITS (Secret Is in The Sauce). The girls who thought up this blog are just fantastic, you really need to check them out for yourselves but they basically have found a fun and fabulous way to facilitate more traffic to your blog...and just to meet people over there if you want to. It is also a fun and fabulous way to find all the other fabulous bloggers out there that you don't know how to find yourself.
It's a long waiting list to get your blog posted as their 'featured blogger of the day' but in the meantime they do lots of other fun things.
Like Contests!
They have a contest running from now until October...they want to give away a Cricut!!!!
I SO BADLY WANT...NO NEED...A CRICUT!!!
I LOVE to scrapbook and I also work in a daycare where we could CONSTANTLY be using a letter 'cutter-outer' like a Cricut.
I should really post some photos of some of my scrap pages...if only I could figure out how to scan my 12x12 pages with my 8.5x11 scanner...anyone know how?
I used to scrapbook over at a friends house...her and her husband scrap in a room in their basement and I kicked him out for a whole year while we lived their so I could scrap with her in the evenings...anyhow...they had a manual die cut machine. I think I used it EVERY time I was there. I LOVED that thing! LOVED LOVED LOVED it!
I've looked at Cricuts but can just not justify the luxury.
So if I could WIN one!!! WOW.
Confession time:
I am scared of SITS. I have gone over there. I have submitted my blog to be placed on there some day...but I am biting my fingernails already at the prospect of having visitors when it is my turn. So I am admittedly not as faithful to them as others who really want more traffic on their blogs...BUT...with this contest. Well I am all over them!
SITS girls here I come!

community

2008-08-24T09:58:00.006-06:00

finding a home is hard enough. Deciding what would be the best community for all your children, and yourself. Is it close enough to the store, the school, and all the other amenities you find important?
What about a church community?
We are searching.
We have been to MANY over the years. We have had to say good bye to many.
Denomination doesn't mean the same thing to us as it did before...basically if they believe that Jesus Christ is the one and only Son of God then we're happy. Mind you, they might not like that about US...but that's half the fun of good fellowship...debating all the nitty gritty, maturing together in our faith (Hebrews 6: 1-3). My hubby and I LOVE doing that with people we get together with. We don't get all legalistic about it...it's purely to challenge ourselves and others to the truth.
We believe WE are all the church and so finding a building has not been as important to us lately. We go though, because that's where the christians get together and it's important to encourage and hold each other accountable. We love to spend our time with all kinds of people but we know God's word tells us how important it is to spend time with fellow believers. (Hebrews 10:25)
So, we hope we find a place soon that we feel at home in, feel a sense of community in.
It is a blessing.

ZUPPA!

2008-08-20T02:22:00.005-06:00

I know you all are fabulous cooks...you know what to do...a little of this and a little of that.
That's how I mimicked the Olive Garden's Zuppa Tuscano.

Mmm good.

(Do you see the Kale in my son's mouth? Now THAT is what I call SUCCESS!)

heat of my fart

2008-08-19T00:06:00.003-06:00

I MUST apologize for subjecting you to the most recent change to my play list...
If you visited lately you likely got to listen to Hilary Duff sing 'Beat of My Heart'...groan.

I have been subjected to this song, among countless other fascinating diddy's...including my husband's Johnny Cash CD's, as we traveled in the van so oft this summer.

I accidentally left it on my play list the other evening when I was explaining to my mom and aunt how insane my children are when we travel in the van for long distances...and how insane I became for actually finding their 'rendition' of this song even remotely funny.

I suppose I'll leave the song on my play list for a while so that you can hear for yourself how 'well-matched' the word change...from BEAT OF MY HEART...to HEAT OF MY FART actually is!

ENJOY this time.

I will add a few other songs I was subjected to. Click on them and think of me. Moarn my sanity.

refreshment

2008-08-17T17:22:00.005-06:00

the heat has been unbearable these days. Monday we are supposed to get up to temperatures of 35C (that's about 95F for you guys down south of me)...not my idea of comfortable. My preference is for about 15C (59F)...that's my dream temperature. I finally bought all the ingredients to make my own shaken ice tea lemonade yesterday because I am finding it hard to resist turning my steering wheel to any Starbucks drive through these days. NEED REFRESHMENT!
As I sit and enjoy my refreshment I also enjoy surfing around...would be nice if it was the ocean I was surfing, but no...just the internet.
My surfing brought me to Debbie's blog...and her post on Boobie Milk (you really must read it for yourself)... I just HAD to share with her what happened to a friend of mine in college.

My friend...let's just call him 'Clueless'...had an older sister. On weekends, Clueless often babysat his niece(21/2) and nephew (4mo.) over at his sister's place. His Mom and Dad lived two provinces away so it was nice to be with family on the weekends. His sister loved the break and in turn she fed him well and let him bring over his scivvies to be washed. He usually didn't have to do much because the little dumplings were already asleep by 7 every night. He just got to sit around and watch movies and raid her cupboard.
So around midnight Clueless got a hankering for some cereal. He always ate big tupperware bowls full...you should have seen it. He grabbed some Fruit Loops, and the jug of milk and started to make a bowl...not realizing that there was not enough milk in the jug.
Clueless, shrugging I'm sure...hopeful... tucked his head back in the fridge to see if there was more milk. He tossed some coffee cream in his bowl and...brace yourself...a little sippy cup of clear...'skimmy looking' milk that he just 'assumed' was his nieces leftover milk from an earlier meal...and sat down...satisfied. The sweetness of the Fruit Loops masking the embarrasing reality!

In light of Debbie's post...are you seeing where this is going?

Clueless stayed the night on the couch...full and happy.
The next morning, everyone sat groggy around the kitchen table, when Clueless joined them for a cup of coffee.
'You're out of milk you know...I was gonna call and tell you to pick some up.'
He proceeded to tell them of his recipe the night before that made for a successful 'night-lunch' snack. The table went quiet. Groggy eyes turned big...and then...not quite what we would expect...laughter...embarrassing, remorseful...I am SO SORRY laughter from his big sister.
He didn't understand at first. Actually I think he may have wished his brother-in-law DID NOT clarify the reason why even though he begged 'Why are you laughing...WHAT...WHAT...is so FUNNY?'
Not knowing would have been better.

So tell me...do you still think my title is relevant to my post?

LOL

big sigh

2008-08-09T01:52:00.004-06:00

i am TRULY exhausted!
Summer Camp is FINALLY over.
I work at a daycare. Our summer has been filled with noisy fun. Hot Bus Rides. Scraped Knees. Sunscreen. Sunburn. Nasty accidents (the poopy kind). Snack Prep. Dehydration. Whining. Incessant Laughter. Pokeman cards (yes they are still popular). Boy crushes. Sand in sneakers. Sand on carpets. Freezies. Freezie Wrappers.
Some good kids...some not so good kids. Four of them my own...note to self...NEVER think that having a full time job with your OWN kids in tow is a 'fun' plan. I even wrangled my husband into working for us this summer too. Yikes.
Then. We took a one week detour and drove all the back to Manitoba...packed all our belongings from our house on ten acres to a 3 bedroom apartment on the THIRD floor of our lovely building. Hubby and I and our oldest son Josh packed the U-Haul ALL BY OURSELVES...crazy. Fortunately we were greeted by some strong arms in Edmonton. My dad, brother and brother-in-law...we THANK YOU!
I think now that summer daycamp is over I'll be able to think about unpacking (with more help from Mom and my sister!)...in a few days...of SLEEP! We would still like to take a little holiday. Not so sure if we can.
Hubby left a permanent full time contract in Manitoba...to move back to home. Alberta.
No renters yet...no SOLD sign.
Sigh.
So thankful though. For more than I can fit here.
For life.
For family.

For each day...

katelyn

2008-07-27T01:26:00.006-06:00

(title links to an article in The WInnipeg Free Press...about Katelyn's young life)

we were blessed by you, by your smile, by your care.

My prayers go out to your family whose grief must seem unbearable. I pray they feel held in the midst of their pain.

Our friends 18 year old daughter was killed in a single vehicle car accident Thursday night.
She is the one sitting on the bench here in the photo.
Please help me lift them up in prayer, if you would.

not dead

2008-07-24T21:27:00.004-06:00

have you ever fallen asleep playing hide-and-go seek?
Well I have been hiding for a darn long time and I am sure you all are wondering if I've fallen down the well hole.
I have poked my head in here and there to see that Kimberly is on holidays...Melissa Lee is prego...Sissy covered a cool ottoman...Rhonda is getting serious about the blogosphere...Heathers girls needs new toenail polish
(teehee)...Debbie leaves the cupboard doors open like I do and well...all kinds of stuff people are up to.
Life has been a whirlwind around here. The boys are back in town...
Ever since we've been back together as a family and since summer daycamp has begun we have been going non-stop. Other than just the chaos of family life with 3 wrangy boys and a girl we are also trying to make a go of things with our living arrangements in two different provinces and making life and financial decisions that are pretty huge. It is pretty much too difficult to blog about it all without having final decisions made...we have grinded down the list of pro's, con's and options to the point of not having 'any lead' left in the proverbial pencil.
As of right now we are in Manitoba, packing our belongings for a move back to Edmonton. We will be renting an apartment there since as of yet we have not sold the house in Manitoba (too expensive to do more than an apartment...AND a mortgage). The hubster is trying to resign from his position...this part is the scary part. We just could not imagine living apart for a whole 'nother year. We are confident he will not be without work in Edmonton...even if only substitute teaching. We are waiting on final approval for his resignation.
You know those kind of God moments when you just sort of sense that the arrangement of events feels too 'perfect' to be coincidence? Well here's one for you to ponder...
We arrived back today around 11:30 a.m., before lunch,...spent the night in the van on on a road side turnout with 4 kids...crazy tired when we finally got here...but I still had to go to the store in town to get the basics and empty our overflowing post office box. When I was all finished I 'met' one of my coffee friends at the door of the store...almost missed her in fact...except that I almost took her out with my jug of milk. Anyhow...I gave her a 10 second synopsis with a promise to 'do coffee' with all the gals and fill them all in before I leave again in a week. So...I get home... and half an hour later she calls me and says she got home and was reading something (in the paper, or online, or something) about a large family who is looking to rent a home in our area. Cool... so I give them a call and see if they would still be interested (because this may be our only other option right now). I call them and wouldn't you know they would love to come over and check it out right away. 20 minutes later they are on our doorstep.
So fast.
Their life story is so similar to ours in the last few years it was almost eery. They had been praying just last night for an answer to their prayers. The same way we have.
I tend to be more of a doubter. I don't really lay out fleeces. I am not terribly mystical about spiritual things. Yet sometimes...
We'll see.
Anyhow.
That's it. Off to bed. Should have been there ages ago after last night on the road.
Just thought you'd like to know I was still around.

bad reminiscing

2008-06-19T22:32:00.002-06:00

oh I had fun this evening...
Checking out tunes from my junior high and high school days.
I sit here in the dark while my daughter sleeps...grooving and dancing in my chair, while I surf around.
Quite the private moment.
I needed to share, before I started to question my own sanity.

my study

2008-06-15T21:51:00.003-06:00

i am sure that Amanda and Lulu must think that Kimberly is mistaken about me actually being part of the Beth Moore Fruit of the Spirit study with them. I really have had nothing to say yet.
I am really looking forward to this next week when we dig deeper into the fruit of Love.
So far, the things that have been gnawing at me are:

Week 1- Acts 13:50- The same women who were reminded of their ability to influence turned into persecutors.
Women have always been recognized in scripture for their ability to manipulate and influence...distract and display purposeful emotion. From Eve...to Potiphers Wife...to Delilah...and countless others.
I ask myself though, whether recognizing this ability urges me on to influence properly and with a holy goal. Do I accept the challenge to harness my 'inate' power, offer the reigns over to the Holy Spirit, and influence for Him?

Week 2- Galatians 5:16-26. I love my New Living Translation...it really opened my eyes better to the areas in which I struggle.
'Outbursts of anger'...Lord help me be a kinder mother.
'Selfish Ambition'...Lord, help me to remember you are in control of our finances. '
...and this one, the reason I love my NLT...
'The feeling that everyone is wrong except those in your little group'...Oh Lord, when I chide others for this behaviour please help me to remember how blazingly obvious it should be that I am behaving the EXACT same way!!!

So there it is. Until next week.
Oh, and girls, I started a discussion thread over at the Beth Moore sight if you are interested.

less depressing

2008-06-11T07:35:00.002-06:00

i've been saying it for a while now...my blog layout is kind of bla...cold and wintery...depressing. So i'm going to keep entering contests to get something new and refreshing. Though I did love my new layout in the winter when I got it from Lena (see link at bottom of page-she has other free downloads)...I hope I win this contest over at Crazy Eight, 'cause I could sure use it.

no tears...dry eye syndrome

2008-06-09T21:13:00.004-06:00

so...I am NOT a crier.
I am posting on this topic because of what I read over at Lulaville today. Almost all the ladies that commented have mentioned that they feel the same way about their bumbling tears at kids recitals, cute things their kids say...the works.
I have honestly wished sometimes that I were more like that.
I have friends that get so frustrated with themselves because the waterworks turns on for them for no reason at all, and it drives them nuts. (BOY ALERT...YOU MAY NOT WANT TO READ THE FOLLOWING!!!)...I also have a friend who hasn't had a baby in over 14 years and she still lactates when she hears a baby cry, NOT something I am jealous about... but yet I get a little twinge of guilt though when for appropriate reasons...I just can't...cry.
I have said goodbye to friends so often...and felt terrible that I can't even 'seem' to miss them. I go to weddings and would love to be the one pulling out my hanky at the 'sentiment' of it all.
As I said to Lula over at her place is that having three boys may have dampened the whole tear jerking cute kid syndrome too because as you see by the photos mine are the ones who are either picking their nose or have their halos on crooked at the Christmas plays...oh I know I'm exaggerating. They are pretty darn cute and talented when spit polished for public performances...in fact tweedle dees nose picking gave us a all a famous name in our latest new town...as did our daughters' solo...which again...I wish I would have been able to cry over.
So...here's the thing...be proud that you can cry if you do and affirm me with your comments if you don't...that I am NOT ALONE in my dry eye syndrome.

out of commission

2008-06-09T07:01:00.003-06:00

i've had a yucky weekend.
Sorry for not posting much...spring cold. I am all snubbed up and feeling like crap.
I actually spent most of the weekend in my pjamas...this was good.
Let's hope it passes quickly.
I have a few blog thoughts to share when I have more energy...another flower to highlight...my insights to the bible study that a few of us bloggers are doing...stuff like that.
Hopefully work will be relatively uneventful today.
Have a good Monday yourself.

looking ahead

2008-06-03T23:52:00.005-06:00

3 weeks from today! YAY!
After we work here in Edmonton for another 6 weeks, together...THEN we get to take a little holiday!
I know I am but I am also sure that Tim is already imagining at least one drive through our good old Alberta Rocky Mountains this summer, it's a must for our family. I can almost smell the fresh air already. As a family we LOVE to drive...and with gas prices getting steeper by the minute this may be the last summer we can even dream of affording this into our budget.
We love Kananaskis, Radium Hot Springs, Banff, Wasa Lake, Kimberly (yes...Kimberly there is a beautiful little European town in British Columbia with YOUR namesake! and we LOVE IT!) ...etc.
Can't Wait.
Even Taber Park is fun.
I added a few pictures of my boys too.
I realized the other day, when I posted a pic of Abbi and myself that most of you have no idea what we look like. I guess the thought of all my new friends not knowing what we look like kind of slipped my mind.

for the boys

2008-06-01T23:30:00.001-06:00

remember us?
We miss you! Less than four weeks...YAY!

pink

2008-06-01T22:11:00.007-06:00

you will notice something new and pink in my sidebar.
I am not known for adding anything in my side bar any more.
I did that over a year ago with Top Momma...with very poor results.
This is different though...SITS...Secret is in the Sauce is a new endeavor that a fellow blogger friend of mine and her friend have put together to help us ALL connect with each other in a fun way!
You should check them out.
They have everything a girl needs. Dreamy Contests...Friends...A chance for you to shine...
Right now there is FANTASTIC CONTEST going on that you should check out...you'd be crazy not to, and make sure to enter their daily entry to have YOUR BLOG highlighted...to help you get more traffic!

i have a jar

2008-05-28T23:04:00.003-06:00

i have a jar.
I found a jar on a shelf, in a second hand store a few years ago. It was already marred and cracked when I bought it though that didn't matter to me. I thought is was beautiful, practical and worthy of the uses I had in store for it. Just the jar I had sort of been looking for, not as expensive and frivolous as a new one...just good for my purposes.
Over the years the jar has moved around a lot. It has been wrapped carefully, then unwrapped and placed in a cupboard with care, sometimes prominently, other times not so. I have used the jar for holding the newness of spring...pussy willows. I have used the jar to hold water for picnics. I have used the jar to hold my useful kitchen tools, I always knew where to find what I needed in that jar. I have even had that jar placed in a prominent place of glory, among my living room vignette's. It held bright orange, brown and red plumes of feathers during it's time there.
Others who held this jar before I did must have also found it worthy. They thought as much to glue it back together when it broke. There were wear marks on the ceramic from use...AND they passed it on, for someone else to use. Instead of discarding it.
My jar is in a box right now, wrapped in paper. It has been there for almost a year. It is still a fine jar. I have just not unwrapped it. I am waiting until I feel at home again, somewhere. Where I can unwrap the jar and put it to good use again and know that it will serve me well there for years to come.
I am the first to admit that parallels fall short, very short...but thoughts about my 'jar' came to me today as I listened to a song from Barlow Girl...porcelain heart.
I thought about how I feel more like an old clay jar inside...who's worth comes more from its usefulness than it's beauty and how it is not as fragile as porcelain but yet practical and useful none the less...so valued.
I thought about how I am not broken...but hidden these days. Like my real life pottery.
I thought about my usefulness to the owner of my soul. God.
I had poignant thoughts, scattered in parallel to my jar and my soul, so I thought I would just blog it out. Maybe read it again considering your own soul and what kind of vessel you are, have been or would like to be.
Share your thoughts.

the hold

2008-05-25T01:44:00.004-06:00

the Lord offers blessings.
He also allows our lives to be stripped. Stripped bare, stripped raw. Vulnerable...we are.
I tremble. When I even allow my mind to peek a closed eye glimpse at the possibility of losing one of my children before I die myself...I weep...it is just one thought that sparks deep, deep fear into me. I don't go there often. I heard my brother wail when he lost his wife and her daughter. I could not bear it.
The second half of my week, since hearing about Maria Chapman, has been a quiet one. I know I join countless others in my prayers for that family. Precious little one, she was.
I prayed for her brother, oh I prayed. What he will go through.
I prayed for the older sister, whose engagement was to be celebrated. A bride to be whose precious little sister is now in heaven.
I had a dream of a little girl blowing out candles...and flower petals falling from heaven. A 5 year old little flower girl.
The other little girls and brother. The children who saw.
For Steven and Mary Beth, who are facing what I can not even bear to imagine.

This new day.

Yesterday was the funeral. I read this article and was reminded of the blessings...the blessings that are promised. The blessings that have obviously been embraced by the Chapman family.
The blessings of comfort. Of forgiveness. The blessing of joy in the rain. The peace that passes understanding. The Hold.
Darkness only lasts for a time. I have imaginations that really the darkness is not there at all, but rather, like when we are falling, we close our eyes shut tight...waiting...to be caught. The falling is too hard to bear. Our eyes are shut to the light as we fall, until we remember to peek. The light was always there...is always there.
And when we open our eyes...we are walking hand in hand...with Jesus. The same hands that cross the divide to heaven, where he holds the hands of those who have gone before us.

my son

2008-05-20T17:20:00.002-06:00

i love reading my son's blog.
I miss my boys so much. Tim has also been posting videos of them on his blog, Simon has gotten so much taller just over this past month! Crazy!
Today I tried to yell at my son on his blog because of something he told me he did last sunday. It just wasn't the same.
We are more than halfway done our time apart. YAY. Less than 6 weeks until we see them again.
YAY YAY YAY!!!

that thing with the ravens

2008-05-18T10:45:00.008-06:00

so Heather, over at Mindless Junque, has really been knocking our socks off these days with her amazing ability for story telling, we are all hanging on to the edge of our seats waiting for her next installment of a portion of her autobiography. I am sure she will have plenty other amazing paths she will take us down (right Heather?...you better!).

Well, it was also Heather who commented on my last post, asking me to tell her about my most embarrassing moment.

I need to learn to value the details of my life like Heather does, as future stories to be shared...I am sure I have had plenty 'worthy' embarrassing moments...I have been 100% guilty of being the 'didtz' in my life...Mind you, I've become really cynical these past few years so its harder to pull one over on me any more.

I really had to take a step back to recall a good enough embarrasing moment to share. I actually thought about shameful moments first, because I have been so melodramatic lately...you would NOT want to be around me these days...it seems I have a proverbial 'rainy cloud' over my head.

So...anyways... it was ALSO Heather who reminded me about my bitter relationship with ravens.

When Tim and I were first married we lived in an A-frame cottage deep in the forest...really. When he would go to work every day my company for the day consisted of the squirrels in the rafters (the whole house was a rafter!) and the ravens flying overhead in the trees.

Black, dreary, loud ravens. Gloomy birds. It was enough to make me loopy.

I had no TV, no radio. No indoor plumbing. You can imagine the pent up insanity of it.

Then, years later, we moved to High Level and the ravens there were the size of turkeys!

They jumped on the roof our house every morning and pecked at the vent in the roof...

I love nature, I really do. I have a lot of patience...Usually. These birds though...drove me to levels of insanity that worthied classic psych ward coffee room stories.

I told you the story of the ravens and my baby a few posts ago...so you can see a pattern developing here of my disdain for the vile creatures. I AM impressed by their intelligence and respect that God provides them to us to clean up our highways etc. BUT...ya, well I only have so much love in my human heart.

So, one day we drove up to our house after grocery shopping and there were about 7 or 8 of these birds sitting on the roof of the house, right at the vent where they peck, the vent above the bathroom in our bedroom. The vent that provides echoing acoustics into our bedroom...directly beside MY EARS!!! Here was my chance to show them who was boss!

This was their new destiny...stupid birds...they would soon know who was in charge!

They just sat that there, looking at us a little bit...mockingly...almost as if to tauntingly say...What? What are you staring at? What are you gonna' do about it...CAWW CAWW! Damn Birds!

I picked up a handful of rocks from the driveway.

I had visions of a biblical 'she-david'...slaying the GIANT ravens. Except in mass quantity.

I think I had a mini psychotic break at that moment...because I distinctly remember invisioning rapid fire rocks...pegging off all 7 of those birds...video game style...off my roof!!!! Like a carnival game, where you win a big STUFFY cougar! That would be me!

So, I wound up, really tight and determined.

The next part happened like the details of a slow motion car accident...you remember every split second...the arm slows down in my mind to a 'bionic woman' sound effect kind of pace...you know the one...the famous sound... my husbands voice slows down to sound like the deepest bass tones...his hesitating warning escaping from his mouth just split milli seconds after the discharge of the pebble in my hand...'w h a t a r e y o u d o i n g......?!?!?!?!'

and then the next sound...

...of the rock going directly through our bedroom window...

Shit!

That's the word that kept going through my head.

Shit...shit...shit...

What was I thinking?

Not only have the ravens stripped my of my sanity and my loving trust in nature...they now have stolen my pride.

Okay, maybe I did a pretty good job of that ALL BY MYSELF. But that's it...right there Heather.

My most embarrassing moment!

ten to two

2008-05-17T01:51:00.002-06:00

that's what time it is. For some reason i just can't get to bed, not to sleep...I haven't even hit the pillow yet. I've been reading up on blogs that I've missed over the last few days.
People have really diverse and interesting lives. It has been a lot of fun getting to know so many of you through your words. So much talent for writing and sharing out there. Some of you even share that you don't really know what to post about, makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one.

People used to call me a 'social butterfly'. I used to find it easy to make new friends, to socialize with a lot of different people and kept very busy doing so. I never ran out of things to talk about, ask about, share about. As a teenager I am sure I never complained that I didn't have any friends.

Here I sit...many moons later...with a pretty pathetic social life.

I am currently socially stunted.
Fortunately I no longer equate my own contentment with my social life, as I used to. Though this might be part of the problem. I am content. I am bored...but content.

So, here I sit at 10 after 2. Bored...and still not tired. I am going to try and hit the pillow anyhow now, because I was tired at 10:30, so sleep must be looming somewhere in my brain.

Maybe I'll read this tomorrow and regretfully realize that I was even more tired than I was aware of. Until then.

Any burning questions you'd like to ask me about life? Yours or mine. I need some inspiration.

lack of new words

2008-05-14T07:58:00.002-06:00

it seems common place these days, in the blogger world to go back and post old posts. I think it is likely because, even though we are such wise women, some days we just run dry. So, I join the company of those who re-post today:

I am sure NONE of you have ever experienced this before...when your kids don't listen to a word you say even when you have their best interests at heart...I am alone in this problem right?...or fellow employees who ask for input on something important only to have your idea brushed aside...or a polite request of hubby to learn some efficient techniques of home orderliness met with one attempt and then fall off the 'messy wagon' again...or blogging for months about your life and your interests and then getting 'booted out' of 'TOP MOMMA' for not getting enough'clicks...
I wonder at times if anyone in the world hears me...I know it seems terribly selfish but at times wouldn't it be nice to hear the words...
TELL ME MORE O WISE AND HONORABLE ONE (bowing optional).

BOO HOO!

I really do in my heart of hearts know though that all of that does not matter. I would honestly never claim to be wise...though I strive to be wise in my choices and actions. I pray for wisdom and hope earnestly that when required that God would use me as a vessel to help those who need Him.
More importantly would be not ever to act 'the fool'. Honoring God by my actions and words.
I often times have thoughts...questions...opinions but I rarely share them outrightly. Especially biblical thoughts...particularly opinions. I would rather just ask questions...that is safer. I love to talk scripture and from the history of this blog you would never tell. I hope this has not been foolish of me.
Two bible verses help me reconcile this insecurity though, one of which is my life verse:

Phillipians 3:15-16... All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.
and this one I found recently after a wonderful reading on wisdom and youth...in my favorite book of the bible...

Ecclesiastes 12:12-14...But, my child, be warned: There is no end of opinions ready to be expressed. Studying them can go on forever and become very exhausting! Here is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey his commands, for this is the duty of every person. God will judge us for everything we do, including every secret thing, whether good or bad.

I gain SO much comfort from these verses...more than I know how to express. The whole book of Ecclesiastes is like a gentle rain on my soul, a healing balm.
I've sometimes wondered if anyone else out there feels the same way about this book. I tend to love discussions of agreement...ones where you can share similarities and relish common threads of enlightenment. This type of discussion to me is grand! I affirm you...you affirm me and we both give God the glory for the bond we can share over His word...over Him.
what do you have to say...?

tired of my dribble

2008-05-13T08:14:00.002-06:00

it must always be a let down, coming to my page and reading what little dribble I have mustered.
I really don't get a lot of time here on the computer and when I do I am usually trying to catch up on reading what all of you are up to (SO much more exciting over at your place!).
I have been thinking though that when I get some time (maybe Sunday) I am going to change up my dreary layout again, it really is very wintery and cold...time for some life. I will probably go back to Lena again, she has beautiful free downloads (link downstairs).
I also wish I had access to my pictures at home in Manitoba, things get kind of boring around here with no personal shots.
I've been meaning to tell you that my daughter and I are 1/2 way to the finish line of our time alone here in Alberta. Edmonton, by the way Karyn, west central...above Fort Edmonton Park...to the south.
I am hoping to take Abbi to Fort Edmonton this weekend if they are open for the season already. We have missed it. Some of you probably don't know that this is the location where the Jesse James movie with Brad Pitt was filmed, a couple of years back. Still haven't seen the movie...want to though, just for the park shots.

mom

2008-05-09T18:50:00.002-06:00

my Mom just started blogging a short while ago. Check her out here, she would be thrilled to have some visitors. She just posted and old picture of the dried flower pictures she used to make.
Hey Mom, do you want to do coffee tomight? I'll call you later.

queen anne's lace

2008-05-05T21:55:00.008-06:00

so, did you get it!? The 'Queen Anne' riddle has been around for years. The riddler really never answers the riddle, like a magic trick. If you figure it out you just start playing it yourself.
You always begin with a sentence.
'It is difficult, but not hard'
Or if you think you know how to continue you may ask...
'Is it funny, but not hilarious?'
and the riddler would say say 'Yes...I think you've got it'
'It's a riddle, but not a joke!'
Now to the flower...

this flower brings back memories. My mother may not expect this memory but it is in honor of her that I post this since she...well... deserves to be honored, so near to Mother's Day.
I thought about posting on baby's breath since my brother just had a baby today. WELCOME TO THE WORLD AIDAN KENNETH.
This is my mother (and father's) 9th grandchild.
Anyhow...back to the memory.
When I was young my mother had a special handicraft that I always thought was so much fun. She used to press flowers, in old big fat phone books. After waiting a few days or weeks (or months I'm sure) she would remove the delicately dried blooms and beautifully arrange them on card stock and frame them. Anyone who knew my mom had a 'handmade by Karin' floral picture in their home, she loved to give them away...and people loved to receive them.
Back to the memory....
We lived in Kentucky when I was 6 and it was then that I took a personal interest in my mother's handicraft. She would take me for walks there to collect wild blooms, along the railroad tracks, through fields and anywhere that blooms of any kind could be easily found.
I will never forget the day I first laid eyes on the Queen Anne's Lace. It must grow wild in the fields in Kentucky. I thought it was the most delicate thing ever. I was so impressed by my mom's knowledge of flowers. I was so impressed with the beautiful name bestowed on this flower. I NEVER forgot its' name after that day. Something about that day stayed with me forever. I am sure that after that day I more often brought my mother blooms to add to her phone books...or slip them in myself...I am sure she wondered after a while where some of those dandelions were coming from...she never picked those herself.
I should have posted more details about the genus and history of Queen Anne's Lace like I normally would but I think I'll leave that out this time.
It's my mom who's really the expert anyhow. Maybe she'll blog about it (check out my new link to her new blog...techno Oma!)
I love you Mom. Thanks for taking me to the greenhouse the other day. It was fun!
By the way...'It is Debbie, but not Kimberly!' (teehee!)

a riddle

2008-05-05T21:30:00.005-06:00

being sure that most of you have heard of this riddle before; I will not post it's title until I post about my next flower. I want YOU to guess the name.
Are you confused yet?
Just take a good look.
The name of my flower is the name of my riddle too. If you know it...don't give it away for the others to see but rather let me know by including a hint in your comment, letting me know you do.
The riddle begins like this...

It's green but not leafy.

It's shrubbery but not bushy.

Now you continue in the same fashion with your guesses.
Reading back on the post I realize that if you don't know the riddle, it may be VERY difficult for you to figure this out.
Let me know if you need more clues.

waffle saturdays

2008-05-02T19:07:00.005-06:00

i miss a lot of things about home.
Warm Embraces from ALL my boys. Particularly the 6 foot 4 variety.
My Kitchen. All the space I had, all my fun dishes and utensils.
Waffle Saturdays. Tim wakes up early every Saturday, well, every day actually. Many of those Saturdays he would get a hankering for waffles and so he would just whip some up...he's great in the kitchen. We both love to cook.
I miss my furniture, my decorations...things that say...this is me, this is a reflection of what I like and my tastes.
The comfort of just having a kindred spirit to bounce thoughts off of, debating stresses of the workplace, exploring spiritual lessons together, affirming words, motivational inspiration...all from my best friend...who knows when I need advice, and...more importantly...when I don't.
Coffee. I miss my husbands, fresh ground, filtered water in a meticulously cleaned machine coffee.
I know the things I've mentioned range from the trivial to the significant yet I miss those things all as a package deal.
I miss them all the more because things are more difficult here than I imagined they would be...not with my accommodations...that has all been fine so far...but with my job. It is VERY stressful. Home and the comforts of it and the people in it mean SO much more at the end of a stressful day. It is hard to go 'home' after that and be a guest...in a place that is not your own...full of people who don't know you intimately...even your own children get to know you intimately, that word means SO much more than intimacy with a spouse. Your kids gets to know when is a good time to ask mommy a question or not...or when mommy needs a hug...lots of that kind of stuff. They make you feel important when you can help them solve a problem or when you can console them. They challenge you...and build your character...something I TRULY have come to cherish, even when it is tough, because it is all in chosen dedication to God...because we have asked Him, as a family, to guide us, use us and teach us. I am thankful that I have my daughter here with me...to challenge me (hahaha...sometimes I need God's strength a little more with Her than I do with the 3 boys...she must be a true blessing!)

I really could go on right now because today was another exceptionally rough day, so I'm vulnerable and worn... but I will not...thanks for hearing me out.
Until next time!

freesia

2008-04-27T17:46:00.005-06:00

i debated. I was almost just going to repost dogwood because of the season, and then I thought cherry or apple blossoms are coming soon too...maybe one of those. I have settled for Freesia instead; for a reason.
There has been a RONA commercial on lately that I totally 'get'. A couple is heading to the garden center (scenery all in greyscale) and as soon as they step into the garden center doorway they are struck with a refreshing sense of beauty (all in color now), the husband hears music and steps back out to remind himself of the difference he is now experiencing (no music out in the real world).
I LOVE garden centers and greenhouses this time of year, as do most people. In fact I used to manage a greenhouse, 2 years in a row. So I have an intimate connection to the beauty of this time of year. The moment you step in to one there is just this overwhelming difference. The air quality is humid and comforting, (at least to me...I know some actually don't like it...strange folks!sorry if you are one.) and a sense of the hope of spring just envelops you. Like a temporary mini Garden of Eden, it's sole purpose...to inspire.
One thing that just cannot be advertised on television though...that one must experience first hand is why I chose Freesia.
The Smell. The amazing, refreshing, intoxicating and beautiful sweet smell of Freesia.
I wish I could post a smell.

Freesia is native to South Africa yet was named in honor of a german physician (Freese).

Freesia is in the Iridaceae family of flower (Irisis) and so they grow from a corm.

Apparently, according to these folks , the stronger scented blooms are the pink and red varieties. Generally, the most fragrant flowers of any family of flowers are usually the purple or white varieties, so remember this is not the case for freesia.

Freesia are an extremely popular choice for bridal arrangements as well as being chosen often as a additive to hand creams, perfumes and colognes. Apparently the aroma can be altered to a more peppery, masculine smell simply by changing the soil in which it is cultivated...fascinating.

resume the bloom!

2008-04-27T09:52:00.010-06:00

if you have ever archived back to April of last year, which I fully expect all of my loyal readers have already done
(...pause...pffft...hahahaha...in my dreams!)
you will see that I attempted to start a regular feature called 'Flower of the Week' where I would attempt to research my favorite flowers. I used to post more frequently and had a lot of fun researching my favorite flowers, starting with my favorite color flower...white.
I am not as dedicated as I once was but thought I should maybe aim for 'once in awhile' again, instead of every week. We still have snow on the ground here in Edmonton where blooms should already be popping up so IT IS TIME to resume the bloom! Stay Tuned to see what my first bloom will be. Any requests?

encounter with a bird

2008-04-24T21:06:00.007-06:00

i promised Heather from Mindless Junque that I would post the story of my encounter with a bird. She doesn't like birds...at all...has had numerous scary encounters with them. I told her I had one of my own to tell her some time.

Here it is Heather:

We used to live in a town, 9 hours north of Edmonton, High Level, Alberta. (this is about 2 hours south of the Northwest Territories-really north). Anyhow, this is relevant because the ravens up there are about the size of a turkey fit for any pilgrims table. No joke...they are HUGE.These birds are also highly intelligent, strangely so, being bird-brains.

Residents of High Level usually know better than to tempt these birds with garbage, groceries...and small pets or children. Yet we frequently would still see a raven flying through the air with large boxes of cereal or a package of meat that someone accidentally thought they could just 'quickly' leave in the back of the pick up while they run in to the post office to grab the mail. I REALLY am not joking, no animation here. The town actually had by-laws against leaving garbage improperly covered with click locked lids or blankets because the ravens would mess up the town with their garbage picking if you left them to their devices of lifting regular lids.

These birds also didn't fly too much when they were near the ground. They were too cocky for that. They kind of just hop around, arrogant like.

This brings me to MY encounter.

I had the twins when we were living in High Level. It was a chore to take them shopping when they were babies, two car seats and all. One Spring day I returned from shopping and had a bunch of groceries to bring into the house, and two sleeping babies. I chose to make a few trips back and forth. First load...one baby car seat and some groceries. Second load...more groceries. After this load I just had one more cars seat and a bag of groceries so I just left the sliding door open on that side and ran in and out of the house again.

I came back to the van for the final trip and was faced with the most dreadful, scary, unnerving scene I have ever encountered! A RAVEN sitting ON TOP of my baby...INSIDE THE VAN! Probably to look for my groceries,

I went all 'APE MAMMA'...yelling and screaming and flailing my arms. I had flashes in my mind of Alfred Hitchcocks movie 'The Birds'! Birds poking eyeballs out and...well... just the worst thoughts ever.

I normally don't react so 'intensely' to the events that life thow at me but this...just kind of threw me. I must have looked ridiculous, flailing and screaming like that, especially when the bird just hopped away, arrogantly!

Excuse my language but...Friggin' Ravens. That's what I called them after that, atleast in my mind. Still hate those turkeys.

So Heather...what would you have thought?

meme tag

2008-04-22T21:02:00.006-06:00

kimberly, one of my new blogger friends, from A Hokey Pokey Life has tagged me for a meme...my first one ever.
I feel pretty honored to be tagged.
Debbie, Kimberly, Heather
and a few other of my 'new' blogging friends have made me so welcome to their little corner of the blogosphere. I had a particularly bad week last week and they (along with the rest of you) have really cheered me up with your words of encouragement...and yes Rhonda, I am ready for that coffee...ANYTIME!
I am not totally convinced that blogtopians are using the term 'meme' correctly (atleast according to wikipedia and other sources) but I found one definition that satisfied the way we are using it...from the American Heritage Dictionary.
(mēm) Pronunciation Key n. A unit of cultural information, such as a cultural practice or idea, that is transmitted verbally or by repeated action from one mind to another.
The meme tag topic is to share six unimportant things about myself and then to tag six other people to do the same thing I apparently have rules I need to follow and need to post them here for those whom I tag to follow.
So here they are:
1. Link back to the person who tagged you. (In my case, that would be Kimberly)
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. Share six unimportant things about yourself.
4. Tag six random people at the end of your entry.

I may have trouble with this. I am not sure I am able to come up with my six required unimportant things...or six others to tag for that matter. I'll do my best...here goes.

1. I love to sing really loud in my van, all by myself. I like to think I am pretty darn good too, but shamefully KNOW I am not. I cry sometimes when the lyrics hit me in the right place and it always feels good when I am done with my cleansing tears, even though I arrive at my destination looking worse for wear.

2. 14 years ago when my husband and I had pre-marital classes with our pastor, he conducted some counselling type tests on us that claimed we had real potential to become hermits with each other, something he wanted us to be aware of. We laughed it off... ya right. Well...fulfilled prophesy is all I can say. He should get a prize. We neglected to ask him what we should do about it. Sigh.

3. I am a stickler for organization, order and cleanliness. Everything should have a place...and things in the world are more beautiful when they are there. I have REALLY loosened on this over the years with four kids and a husband yet I am most at ease when stuff is where it should be. I have to slap my own hands OFTEN at other peoples homes so as not to start straightening piles of stuff and taking a cloth to things like their range hood and fridge door when I am just helping with the dishes. I almost ALWAYS clean the taps in every public washroom before I leave (even the ones I didn't use, if no one is looking).

4. I am a knowledge snob. I like to sound like I know stuff. I truthfully don't know a lot and have a fairly poor memory but I usually have a back pocket of 'she's cool for knowing that' trivial tidbits. It makes me feel special. I am painfully aware of the reality though.
I love wikipedia in helping support my secret intelligence.

5. I used to have a life size poster of Shaun Cassidy. I have watched Sound of Music over a trillion times and have danced to 'I am 16' atleast twice with the bunk bed post where the poster hung.

6. I am no daredevil or anything like that but I can honestly say that I am not terribly fearful. I do not jump at much or get squimish over anything. I do not, however, like to stand next to second floor or higher railings at malls with my children or any other people for that matter. I am fine with heights if people are not anywhere within 40 feet of me, any closer than that and I have to back off. Is that specific enough of a fear?

Phew...I did it...now the links to other meme victims! mwa ha ha!

My Man
Rhonda
Stacey
Dayna

Well...I couldn't think of six who I felt I could ask...if you feel like volunteering I would be thrilled to hear what you've got to say about unimportant things in your life!

hi

2008-04-20T22:58:00.003-06:00

avoiding blogging.
I have too many dreary thoughts running through my head these days. Gloomy, depressing thoughts that I am SURE no one wants to read about.
I DID want you all to know that I am still alive. I also thought that you wouldn't want to read the 'rainbow undies' title anymore when you came to check up on me.
So I dropped in to say hi and...HAVE a Better Week than I am sure I will have.
I want to go home.
Where is home?
I do not know.
bye

rainbow undies

2008-04-04T15:40:00.003-06:00

the boys and Tim left this morning. Sad morning. A LOT of crying happened all around.
On a lighter note (sort of) I almost cried last night for another reason.
Let me start here: I was so happy earlier this week to have the chance to go back to my beloved Value Village (not sure if those of you from the States have a chain Thrift Store like this...but that's the name of our's...we say it with a really french accent so it sounds fancier than it is!)...anyhow...I have not lived close to one in a while so it was nice to buy some things for the kids. I bought a few new t's and some for me too...a splurge with our budget these days.
So...then...last night I thought to myself that before Tim lives with the boys I should do one more load of laundry so that he'll arrive back in MB with only the dirty clothes on their backs, everything else would be clean. I even threw in the boys's hoodies that they use for all of Spring as their jackets!
Earlier last night we were showing Oma and Opa a new 'magic trick' the kids learned with crayons...
(are you seeing where this and the title are going...)
you amazingly 'read people's minds' with this trick and everyone is totally amazed...quite fun actually. The kids did this for a while and then tucked the crayons...in their pockets.
So...all the hoodies...two of the new t's and all our undies...are basically ruined! ARGHH! I was so mad at the situation. Money never has fallen from the sky for us, I value every stitch of clothing.
There was a silver lining...my sister remembered that she had a couple bags of hand me downs that she had forgotten to give us. So nice. There were hoodies...and t's.
No new underwear mind you. We kept those though.
Rainbow undies.
The End.

i have arrived

2008-04-02T15:06:00.003-06:00

feels good to be home.

I grew up in Edmonton. My Oma, Mom, Dad, Sister and her family are all in Edmonton.

I know these next few months are going to be difficult, being two provinces apart, but I have to admit that I am looking forward to it...a bit.

I love the idea of being in the same city as family, being able to do things with them whenever I want, doing the coffee thing, visiting Oma in the nursing home.

I have also missed city life somewhat. The conveniences of shopping, access to extra curricular activities...good coffee. I've missed walking...and getting somewhere...and Edmonton's river valley...lush trees.

I could do a whole pros and cons list but what it really boils down to is that this move just feels right. I feel settled in my spirit. Even the uncertainties don't feel as uncertain as they could.

change

2008-03-25T19:17:00.004-06:00

some could presume that Tim and I are change junkies (not the pocket cash kind...life altering kind). For the last 14 years or so Tim and I have moved so often that I have been losing track of where we last were...it's kind of all melding together. Some of the moves feel so long ago, yet somehow the kids are still fairly young so they can't have been that long ago.
Since this blog originally started as a sort of diary/journal for myself I am going to take this opportunity to record a timeline...it will be boring...kind of like reading Chronicles and Genelogies of our forefathers in the Word (Hey...my scholarly dad and brother may actually enjoy this).
Here goes:

November 1993- Married- Caroline, AB- 1The A-Frame with no plumbing.
Bob and Gertie Forester, Brian and Kathy Woodson, Berdette and Louise Beestrom, Eric and Denise Berg and Ken Dezel with the nose hair (sorry Ken)
Summer 1994- 2Mom and Dad's basement in Edmonton for two months.
3Up/Down Duplex on 81 Ave. Edmonton.
4First Apartment on the north side of Whyte Avenue. Edmonton. Gisela and her boyfriend...Las mich rein! Gisela!
1995 Second Apartment5-On site building Managers. Adventures of the Native Lady. Our eldest Joshua was born Dec.1995 - Young Marrieds group at Zion Baptist.
February 1996- Move to High Level, AB. Lived in Henry and Carol's basement6 for 2 months.
Opa's house 7for 4 years.
Summer 1999- Trailer 8in High Level. Twins Jo and Abbi born Feb. 25 2000. Simon born Dec.8 2001.
SO Many Friends left behind...can't list them all. Leys, LeMoals, Humes, Friesens, Peters, Krahns, Mortons...so many others.
February 25, 2002- Mennville, MB- The Parsonage9. Again...left SO many friends behind. Harms, Kehlers, Pletts, Reimers, Friesens, Brandts, Duecks, Barkmans . (many varieties of each!)
June 2004- Edmonton. Brookside Terrace10. Tim's return to University.
July 2006- Vauxhall, AB. 11Tim's first teaching contract. More friends bid farewell. Dunn's, Olferts, Pepnicks, Martens, Sennekers...and more.
August 2007- Lowe Farm, MB.12 Tim's second teaching contract. Friends again to say goodbye to. Lisa, Abe and Dorothy, Don and Lillian, Wes and Val, Rob and Lois.
Friday...This Friday. Edmonton. Me and Abbi. Paul and Angela's basement. 13.Good thing I'm not superstitious.

The family hits the road once again. This time we also temporarily divide our own family as Abigail and I venture back to Edmonton on our own. Tim and the boys will be returning to MB to finish off the school year.
We pray that the house will sell...soon. So that we can be together by summer.
We have talked about Tim and two of the boys staying for another whole year if the house doesn't sell. That would be REALLY hard.
It is a means to an end though. An end to change...at least of location.
Change is not always bad. Change is when things are discovered. Change contributes to growth, as long as your roots are grounded properly in the soil of God's garden.
I had a lady at work today mention that my house must be in chaos right now as Abbi and I prepare for the move and I just said 'No, not really.' (In my already characteristic passive tone, knowing it would invoke a kind of reaction). She walked away.
She came back later...as I thought she might. 'How do you do it? How can you stay so calm?'
'I guess that's who I am...when you are constantly in the midst of chaos you get better at knowing when not to bother worrying. Of this I am truly thankful.'...that's what I said in reply. She understood.
Peace in the midst of change. Peace in spite of change. Or... Peace, strangely, because of change.
Thank You anyhow Lord. For being the anchor.

today is monday

2008-03-24T07:04:00.006-06:00

yes...today is monday, not tuesday.
I was reading back in my blog to where we were last year. We have moved around so often that sometimes I forget. The kids change so much in a year as well and so it is good to go back on the journaling to refresh the mind of what we have been able to conquer, by the grace of God.
Well...back to monday.
I giggled yesterday, as I read about how my son (the one with autism...who is a little fanatical about his calendar) thought that we missed Easter Monday last year. I had to dig deeper into this. On that Monday, he thought it was Tuesday..."Why do you think it's Tuesday already?"...pitter patter, he goes and gets his Spongebob Calendar from his bedroom..."Here Mom. look, Monday says on it-PASSOVER"..."OH, I say, trying to hold back the giggles with a warm embrace, let me tell you what that means"...I haul all the kids into the room and explain a little bit more about Easter...just enough for their little minds to absorb...more than how eggs represent new life and how somehow that is why we buy chocolate eggs...(???)
...Anyhow, then the little one pipes in..."BUT Friday is still good because we don't have school, right MOM!"
...You know those hollow bunnies...they really do taste better than the ones that are filled...and they are less work to eat...
Are you getting my parallel here?
This year fortunately, they are a little more mature and able to digest the whole story. I reminded them this morning..that it is in fact, Monday. I have not even checked the calendar this year to see if the Jewish holidays coincide with the Christian Holidays (sometimes they do not). Some year I would like to practice the whole Jewish tradition of seder, in honor. When the kids are older.
(Follow the link in my title for an article I enjoyed reading today regarding this very topic)

surviving the winter- part 2

2008-03-15T10:28:00.002-06:00

winter has been relentless this year. All over Canada we have endured more snow, more cold and here in Manitoba more wind than many can remember enduring in years past.
Our personal family experiences have been daunting as well. Our lives have paralleled the winter storms and blasts with car breakdowns, hot water tank replacement, financial stress, loneliness and missing extended family back in Alberta. We could say this winter has sucked the life out of us physically and spiritually. Tim has worked SO hard on clearing our driveway of snow on so many mornings and evenings...stories of that could take up a whole other post. The kids have gone a little loopy because it has been too cold to ever let out energy outside...and now that it's warmer, it's too slushy...they have not enjoyed the winter as much as we thought they would be able to. We live out in the middle of nowhere, work in one community, go to church in another (where the kids go to school) and this all makes it hard to develop a social life to boot.

We have had blessings. Our church book study group has provided some social fellowship and blessings. Our plumber was a nice guy who worked under the table. Joshua has a good friend whose single mom has been a real blessing to me. We have found much needed closure and comfort in visits to Mennville, a sense of peace and release we didn't quite have before...and the biggest of all...
a path being paved for a move back to Edmonton.

Through struggles and blessing we can again say we have no regrets. We have again been shown things we needed to learn. We must be pretty daft though because God seems to find it necessary to show us in BIG FAT ways what we need to learn.
What we learned is enough for another post, another day.
For now I am just thankful that spring is in the air.

Winter is almost done.

The snow is still here to remind us of what we went through.
With the melting we see the layers of scum that God daily covered with fresh white snow, they now accumulate into big puddles of yucky, messy puddles. Puddles that are going to soon drain away, into the earth, to bring new life.
What a process of beauty. I love the parallels. Parallels that can go WAY too far if I have fun with them...but I won't. I will enjoy the vague comfort of it all...and the obvious beauty of it all.

surviving the winter- part 1

2008-03-15T09:26:00.012-06:00

we don't know death

I am extremely thankful these days. So many people around us have experienced the sting of death in their lives.
A newlywed couple we knew losing their first baby after a few gruelling months of life in a hospital and being told this genetic condition would likely take the lives of all their babies.
A middle aged couple we knew with two girls who thought they would not have more babies delivers a full term still born baby boy.
My brother losing his fiance and her daughter.
A couple who outlive their 21 year old daughter to a very rapid case of leukemia.
A couple whose 8 year old boy who dies in a quading accident.
A friend whose body does not seem to let her carry girls.

we have not met bitterness.

I know bitterness exists. It can be a virus, I understand.
It is not those stories I remember. I don't shake hands with those stories. Selfishly I walk away out of self preservation.
Fortunately God is abundant with His blessings and the people we have around us receive and accept His gifts willingly and with much dignity.
I imagine that if I met too many people with bitterness I could easily become bitter about things myself. God knows I couldn't handle that. I am aware of my weakness.
I want to glean strength from the stories filled with comfort and inspiration.
Yet I know it doesn't work this way. You can't build the strength on your own, preparing for a harder day. It's Gods strength that sustains. I have seen it in action...

and yet life springs forth.

We are blessed to see the way God heals.
The couple goes on to adopt children who don't have a family to love them.
The Lord blesses the family with two girls with a live birth...a boy only 10 months later.
My brother and his amazing new wife are expecting their third child this May.
Lives are touched by the life and death online journal and memoirs this family compiled during the last days of the 21 year old girls life, all over North America people see how a Christian family heralds their daughter home to the Lord.
The couple who lost the boy grieves unexpectedly peacefully, being a blessing to the lives of others in their community who don't understand.
God brings little angels into the life of my friend at every turn, angels that let her know her girls are safe in the Hands of God.

...have You? Share your blessings.

going, doing, boing...naked, baked

2008-02-27T21:41:00.005-07:00

some things...okay lots of things...about the english language just don't make any sense to me.
I really love the english language, plays on words, witty uses of speech, all of it. I, however, do not understand the lack of firm rules regarding spelling.
I work at an elementary school and it is beyond my comprehension HOW we expect children to understand all of the inconsistencies. My title expresses the least of my musings as of late.
Do you have more examples?
Here's a poem I found with a few more as well as my title links to its source and other poems it:

Our Strange Lingo
When the English tongue we speak.
Why is break not rhymed with freak?
Will you tell me why it's true
We say sew but likewise few?
And the maker of the verse,
Cannot rhyme his horse with worse?
Beard is not the same as heard
Cord is different from word.
Cow is cow but low is low
Shoe is never rhymed with foe.
Think of hose, dose,and lose
And think of goose and yet with choose
Think of comb, tomb and bomb,
Doll and roll or home and some.
Since pay is rhymed with say
Why not paid with said I pray?
Think of blood, food and good.
Mould is not pronounced like could.
Wherefore done, but gone and lone -
Is there any reason known?
To sum up all, it seems to me
Sound and letters don't agree.

This was written by Lord Cromer, published in the Spectator of August 9th, 1902
and extracts were quoted in an SSS pamflet in 1930.

yahweh or 'your way'?

2007-11-20T17:28:00.000-07:00

i just don't get it sometimes. I know I shouldn't even bother trying to 'get' it...my life that is, what God is trying to accomplish with it, what I am supposed to learn, when I am going to receive any 'lightbulb' moments. It's sometimes all too much.
My head knowledge of how He is in control and how I just need to have faith and trust in His path for my life just doesn't want to mesh with my heart feelings.
I am SO tired of feeling like we are never going to succeed...scratch that last word...I actually don't even care to 'succeed', I would simply be happy to be sustained...to feel like where we are at is enough.
AND then my mind chides those feelings...'YOU are ALIVE!' my mind says to my heart 'YOUR family is HEALTHY!' it reminds me...'Things COULD be WORSE'...

This rush of conflicting heart and mind talk comes from a really lousy week. Our financial life SUCKS...always has...I don't really know any other color than RED RED RED. That doesn't usually get to me. We plug away. This week though...it was a S T R E T C H. Our hot water tank died...then...our new hot water tank died...then I ran over a rock the size of Texas one morning and completely killed our engine AND transmission, in our van, not our beater...no THE VAN...the only new vehicle we've ever owned that we've been diligently paying extra for the dealership to take care of for years because we wanted to be good stewards of this new thing, so it would always be under warranty. Plus...I will probably receive demerits and the cost of my license will go up.

You don't really want to read about all of this...I know. You come here for other reasons, I'm sure. I don't even need any encouraging...I actually don't even take encouragement well, it kind of makes me grumpy, unless you wrap it in wads of cash (joking). I just needed to vent...I actually already feel better. Thanks.

I should make a point though...

I always love how ultimately...it is YAHWEH who wins. I wallow for a few days (my way) and then GOD whispers His will into my heart again (because that's where I've invited HIM to live)...and I listen, I've learned it's the only way. I surrender because my way never works. I thank HIM for that. How HE calms me. How HE loves me and encourages me by HIS presence, not by any words or answers...just HIS presence.

YAHWEH.

Like a sparrow in his tree...

2007-10-29T18:34:00.000-06:00

...sleeping so peacefully I would be.
I found this amazing creation on-line today. It is a piece of metal work art done by a talented Ms Shawn Lovell. I have provided a link on this title so you could also view some of her other work.
I really wish I could express myself in artwork like this lady is able to.

trade you a smelly for a puffy, or a shiny...

2007-10-18T15:47:00.000-06:00

those of you who spent anytime trading and collecting stickers on the playground in the late eighties will understand my title...we had our sticker books...filled with sparklies, smellies, minis...etc. What a blast we had. Collecting, having the chance to go to the mall and be the first to get some new fancy sticker, or trade with someone from another school who had a RARE smelly that no one in your school had.
Well, I now collect faces...on facebook, do you? Wanna trade? Just joking.
I have found all kinds of friends, ones that where harder to find than others and some where I was the first to find and could tell everyone 'look who I found'. Friends from all walks of life...childhood, family I haven't seen in years, high school, work, church, camp, different places we've lived etc.
Yet now...other than my regular favorites...my facebook is shamefully already starting to collect dust, like my old sticker collection. It's funny really. My personal collection, which hovers at around 96 people, seems complete and thus doesn't have the same thrill for me as before. It's actually all a bit overwhelming, the thought of maintaining 96 relationships. I can't seem to break 100 and yet some people have 100's and they seem to be really busy ALL the time on facebook. When do they find the time?
I love my collection even though the 'smellies have been scratched (or 'poked') to death' and I've realized that maybe even some of the shineys are a little dull (I imagine I've lost my own 'smelly wonder' over the years too!)
I have many who are stuck to my heart. Ones I've received as gifts from God. I wouldn't 'trade' them for anything!

i'm back..and I have something to say!

2007-10-11T17:02:00.000-06:00

really, I don't think anyone will really notice that I'm back because I have been gone so long. No one really noticed me here in the first place. That's all okay with me though. This is really a place where I can journal my thoughts, spill my opinions and leak some emotion.I am not the kind of person who cares terribly much what other people think about me anyhow.
I REALLY used to though.
I'm a little more calloused and bruised now. I consider that a positive thing, good calloused heels are a GOOD thing. I had a pedicure once that was 'so good' they took every last bit of dry, cracking skin off. Felt SO smooth...and yet excruciatingly painful...I'd have rather had the cracks back.
Bringing it back to the point...
I think I have come to realize that not much really matters...how we behave, what we believe, how we believe it...what people think of us...what we think of them. It just doesn't! PERIOD!
(Hold on...christian friends who think I've wandered off the narrow road)
What matters most is that our eyes are fixed on GOD!
We ARE sinners, we sin. We try too hard to be good. We take advice from Christians around us, churches we go to and mentors along the way...all in the vain attempt to do what is right. We are exhausted. I was exhausted.
I don't try anymore, I don't care anymore. Being FULLY aware that there are those who are disturbed by this.Remember, I don't care, and would love to encourage others to care less.
(Hold on...I'm not done yet...don't fall on your knees in mournful prayer quite yet)
Sin is SIN...it separates us from God. I love Christ. I have asked God to be the King of my life. He tells me to love. He tells me to pray...in fact there are way more things He tells me to do than NOT to do. He knows me better than that. He knows I need focus...ON HIM...not distraction by unmet expectations I place on myself and others.
We don't know Him fully. So many things I thought I should care about I don't any longer and I am FREE. Free to totally focus on HIM.
(Hold on..I am not wearing hippy flowers and sitting in the lotus position)
Back to the sin thing...what is sin? I don't have the total answer to that. Things I thought were sin...I no longer believe to be and yet others do(who is right God only knows)...things that come between me and God don't bother others in the least and I believe they are entitled to their clear conscience, God bless them.The bible is God's Word (from His own self) to us and is VERY clear about many sins that we are NOT entitled to argue about. BUT...when was the last time we REALLY looked at God's Word without the 'prefocused goggles' of our forefathers? I have been convinced that we have REALLY been taken for a ride by the 'church' by SOME of our fore fathers (we also have MANY MANY to behold as fabulous examples!) and am ashamed (before God) of the fact the we have lost SO MANY souls for God by making people feel unclean and unloved by their Maker because we ignorantly believed their instruction and interpretation of scripture. Forgive us God, for our unforgiveness. Forgive us for our ignorance.
I want to Love because Christ Loves me.
Don't over sensationalize that. I'm still just me. Have been that way for quite some time now. A little rough around the edges (that's part of being goodly calloused), a little apathetic...okay alot. It's not a sin (teehee).

sucked into the mind spinning wonder

2007-06-07T23:34:00.000-06:00

Yes...I have fallen victim...victim to the depths of FACEBOOK!
So many reunions! So many people! What a blessing!
I am still reeling from the amount of people whom I have lost contact with over the years that I now feel connected with again!
Needless to say that is why I have not been blogging as of late.
Join me please if you will, it is SO easy to begin a profile for yourself and join the masses who are enjoying reconnecting with people from all your walks of life.
I have found old classmates, cousins, co-workers and even 2 of my precious foster sisters who I always wondered where they were now!
See you there...look me up...Evelyn Krahn

chew on this

2007-05-04T16:56:00.000-06:00

I am home alone this weekend, my hubby is gone on a Teacher's Convention to Kananaskis (poor boy!). Anyhow, the kids don't have school today due to the convention and since I don't really have a ton of friends who are able to manage all four kids I just took the day off.
Tim and I really lean on each other when we are at home. We both takes turns with the kids' issues and disputes, their needs and just playing with them or handing out ideas for four bored kids...it's tough having a day off alone with them. Already early this morning I shamefully blurted out loud that I just needed a moment and that they were 'sucking the life' out of me.
My kids have always had a way of humbling me when I am at my most selfish...let me explain how it happened this time...
Later in the day I was just sitting on the couch with the bunch of them when Simon (who is always patting my flabby jiggles and gets a kick out of my cantaloupes) starts nibbling on my tummy...no shocker coming from him. Then he says to me...with a giggle...
'I'm sucking the life out of you!'
HaHaHa! Stinker.

Are your trees in tune?

2007-05-04T16:48:00.000-06:00

So...TIm and I were out for a walk the other evening and every once in a while we heard this humming. After some time I started to realize that it was coming from the trees...mostly the ones that were in bloom. We stopped to take a closer look and were AMAZED at the swarms of wasps/bees that were hovering in the trees. It seemed like millions! It was quite comical to pass every second tree and hear them singing.

Cooled Off

2007-04-24T19:22:00.000-06:00

I was cooled off for a while but now I'm a HotMomma again. I have no idea how the thing really works but I nominated myself thinking I would get a little traffic on my blog. Maybe I don't even want traffic but I thought they all looked like a bunch of nice people I might want to get to know.
If you click on the link here or in the title and then click on my photo over there (I knew they would like this photo, it's my favorite...Simon's belly taken by Jo) I get to stay on the page for another day or more...depending on how much people like me...it's SO junior high. We are all suckers for that though right?
Vote Me!Vote Me!

For Sale

2007-04-24T19:21:00.000-06:00

We just nailed up our For Sale sign...again!
I really wish I knew when we would be settling down for good...and where!

Dagwood...Dogwood

2007-04-24T18:36:00.000-06:00

(I get most of my information on my flowers from Wikipedia so to honor them I link them here and in my title.)
The Dogwoods comprise a group of 30-50 species of deciduous woody plants (shrubs and trees) in the family Cornaceae, divided into one to nine genera or subgenera (depending on botanical interpretation).
Interestingly the fact that the name sounds so close to dagwood is because it comes from that word and that is because the wood was often used to make daggers. Interesting.
I love any flowering spring bushes...forsythia...plum...apple blossoms...lilacs etc. but I must admit that even though they are not as common here in Canada as they are further south in the States or...China I still love them the best. One of the main reasons again is the color (even though they also bloom in other colors like pick etc.). I am just in love with white blooms. So early in the spring the dogwood almost pays one last homage to the sparkling white of winter...a sweet farewell and a delicate hello to the new season.
Dogwoods pay homage to winter for a reason; in fact winter is the season that agrees the most with dogwood in its dormant period. The branches of the Dogwood in the winter against the backdrop of snow is one of the most spectacular things...either bright, bright red or stunning, deep yellow...that usually causes peoples heads to turn in fascination.

Pray

2007-04-16T16:28:00.000-06:00

Follow the link in my title to read the article thereforth.
We need to bring our hearts to a place of prayer today for our neighbours to the south who have once again been faced with a massacre. So far 32to33 have been confirmed dead and many others injured at the hands of a shooter at a technical school campus in Virginia this morning. This is apparently the largest massacre of it's kind...not to give that any worthy credit other than the horror of it all.
There seems to just be something about April.

Anemone...doodoodoodoodoo

2007-04-15T21:04:00.000-06:00

Yes...silly title without the lyrics in my head. For some reason this flower always gets me singing the muppets diddy...you know the one...MunnaMunna? Okay maybe you have no idea...Anyhow...
Anemone Quinquefolia.
The Wood Anemone.
White(other varieties also ROY G.BIV).
Named after the mythic nymph.
This small, delicate perrenial arises natively from the moist boreal forest floor from a slender rhizome. In the right conditions the 'wood' variety can form large colonies.
Each stem (5-15 cm high) carries a flower with 4-9 petal-like segments.(Anemones don't have true petals but rather petal-like sepals...tepals in fact...)
These glorious little beauties make me feel all earthy and green.
Love 'em!

TBT

2007-04-15T20:54:00.000-06:00

Sounds like a disease...TBT...
Thing 1
Again...finding more Christians who want to grow in truth. I love encountering genuine thirst!
Thing 2
Being on top of things regarding the house at the end of a week with the kids home. Laundry is done...kitchen counters are clear...everyone is in bed for the night!
Thing 3
Being free of my attachment to things...what a blessing. I still have a few sentimental attachments to some photos and belongings of my parents or grandparents but generally everything else could go! I guess it really helps that nothing we own is worth terribly much. That's a blessing though...easier to let go of if we need to!

Some days I want to share more than three things and other days I can't put into words what I am thankful for...funny!

Flower of the Week

2007-04-12T23:58:00.000-06:00

genus:COSMOS species:Bipinnatus
Otherwise known as 'Mexican Aster'. This dainty 'daisy type' flower has often been a favorite of mine in the gardens I've planted. It is a prolific bushy annual that blooms ALL summer long. The petals and foliage are so light and feathery which makes them seem so fragile yet they are very tolerant to drought, waterlog, full sun or even partial shade. They also tend to self seed so you get a surprise the following year as well.
I've used them as a cut flower successfully and the foliage adds a full delicate tough to any arrangement.
The different bipinnatus varieties come in shades of purple, red, pink and white. Single or Double flowers. Some even variagated.
The other species are worth exploring as well; Cosmos Diversifolius has a unique black variety and sulphureus has yellow varieties (My least favorite flower color...though others love it...I only love it in Sunflowers).

Tony Campolo

2007-04-08T18:11:00.001-06:00

I meant to post this on Easter Sunday, the day we commemorate our Saviours ressurection, this message from Tony Campolo strikes a compelling chord in me. Not exclusively, but generally, I believe that most christians have missed 'the point'. I know many who have not and even for them it is a great encouragement to 'sharpen' the already existing 'point'.
Hope you are blessed and challenged.

NEW Idea- Flower of the Week

2007-04-06T16:30:00.000-06:00

I was going to choose an Easter Lily first...being the more appropriate flower for this week but I couldn't resist this Lily of the Valley as my first. The Convallaria is my month flower and is probably one of my favorites as well. It is a perennial that was first cultivated in the 1420's some time, though some believe that 'shoshana' in Hebrew gives reference to this ancient flower, possibly it's wild cousin though, whose buds and stems are quite a bit daintier and almost 'bushy'.
These little bells love shady, cool, moist conditions (just like me) which lends itself to living where not much else will even brave (also much like me).
It's aroma is soothing and fresh... yet pleasingly potent.
The meanings usually surrounding this flower are ones of impending happiness and rejoicing over new life.
White is definitely my favorite floral color. I love the contrast it provides in a garden, especially when evening falls. White flowers at dusk...beautiful...and they are all typically very fragrant (none more than purple though).
I am curious to know how many white flowers I can find that I love. I will try to post a new one weekly, maybe even bi-weekly if I get too excited to share them all. I can already think of a dozen off the top of my head.
This shall be fun!

the days three

2007-04-05T18:10:00.000-06:00

1. A week of holidays...this is always something beautiful. My sister and her kids are coming on Saturday and staying for a few days. Always nice to get a fill after not seeing each other for a while. Last time was Christmas.
2. I sometimes see potential in my daughter to actually be unselfish. This is a rare occurence most days around here. I have REALLY been trying to model care and love...as I know I have VERY LITTLE tolerance for her huge attitude. God is good and lets me catch glimpses of hope.
3. ...and more family. Tim's eldest brother and his wife will also be in Taber on Sunday. Mom's knee has actually been healing so well that she wants us all over for lunch. I'm bringing the scalloped potatoes. Oh Ang...you're invited too, it'll just be a few hours.

another job hazard- getting shot

2007-04-05T16:42:00.000-06:00

Did that get your attention?
So...Hepatitis A...is it that bad?
One of my new boys...at my new job has yellow eyes. I called the health nurse right after I returned from their house to let her know what I encountered. He's jaundiced too...really yellow complexion I told her.
She helped take the family to the hospital that night for blood work.
Nothing is confirmed yet but most of them (doctors, nurses) think its HepA.
So...I'll be getting shot...soon. Apparently if you're exposed you should get immunized within 7 days of first being exposed to the symptoms. Well that was more than a week ago now and the blood results have still not come back confirmed. They don't release the immunization to contact people until the bloodwork comes back.
YEE HA! I love my new job!

today is thursday right?

2007-04-04T20:30:00.000-06:00

Note the date...April 3rd. I was informed, on Tuesday, by our son who keeps meticulous track of his calendar at home and at school, that it was indeed...Wednesday. He told his teacher as much as well. We all thought this odd at first until he explained his reasoning. 'It says right here on my calendar that we get to pass over Tuesday...so it's Wednesday...right?' TeeHee.
Time to introduce him to the Israelites and the Book of Exodus I guess.
'Yes, it means pass over, but not as though the calendar is a gameboard...it's really kind of a pass over party day.' I reply...'Oh'...he says
Then in pipes little brother...'but Friday is still good because we don't have school...right Mom!?'
Oh my! I am embarrassed. I need to skip the glib explanations and get down to it!
Time to teach them again about the truth of the season. The memory we honor. The new life we receive because of this amazing set of events.
See His Loving Hands...Reflect on the Cross.
Any ideas on how to explain the chocolate I already bought?

Same Old Same Old

2007-04-02T07:53:00.000-06:00

It seems to be common place already that we will again have to brace ourselves for change. Tim found out the other day that there will not be a contract available for him at the school next year. The budget is not finalized but it was discussed at an executive level already and things do not look promising in the least. Our principal is an extreme optimist so to hear it from him was pretty 'sealing'.
What's new? We are getting kind of used to God moving us around...I guess I am curious to know why...if there is a why. The why doesn't overwhelm me it's just somewhat of a lingering curiosity. I've come to learn that there is not always an application...not always a clear lesson to circumstance...not always an 'ah-hah' or 'oh-now it's all clear' moment. Just trust.
So Tim has already been applying at other schools around Alberta and a couple in BC. There are only two other suitable jobs currently posted in the school division in this area and he has also applied here. Our preference would be to stay put but there would be a commute involved...not so great financially once again.
We are going to put the house up for sale I think...no matter what happens. We need to down size. I know this will be hard to do in this market where everything is going up in price but at this point I am willing to live in a travel trailer for two years if it means we could get out of debt.
So many options...Manitoba...Alberta...Kentucky...BC...

3 things of beauty

2007-04-02T07:44:00.000-06:00

1. Fresh layer of snow this morning...I know...warped sense of beauty but it really does look pretty and the knowledge that it will be completely gone in a day or two is beautiful too!
2. Knowing that Tim for sure does not have a job at the school next year is actually not causing me too much stress...this is a beautiful comfort from God...(oh sorry I guess I haven't even shared that info with anyone yet...I'll tell you later)
3. We don't need to leave for school for another half an hour...joys of my new job...plus I get paid pretty decent gas mileage for the hour I spend on the road every other week. ($240 for 2 weeks)

todays 3

2007-03-30T07:36:00.000-06:00

#1 Found some time to go over to Sharon's and scrap last night. I actually finished a page and started about 6 power layouts...this I consider beautiful!
#2 Fridays are always beautiful days...the day to stay up late...chill out...and settle in!
#3 The weather this weekend is supposed to be really nice...plus 17 today. Even though I prefer a warm overcast day right now just a change from the constant wind and cold will be nice. It hard to get working on the yard when it's like that...this weekend will be nice.

my found photos

2007-03-28T16:22:00.000-06:00

Here are just a few of the found photos I spoke of yesterday. Ones I am particularly happy I recovered.

trying out my beautiful things...

2007-03-27T21:12:00.000-06:00

I found lost photos and had them developed today...so happy!
My brother left a message on my answering machine today...so nice to hear his voice even though it was about a CARAZY idea that we should all move to Kentucky.
One of 'my boys' I work with held good eye contact today...and giggled a bunch at a little game we played...it was nice.
These are the TOP 3 beautiful things that happened to me today!

three beautiful things

2007-03-27T20:57:00.000-06:00

I was lurking at Dayna K's blog and came across a link to a really cool blog idea (the title of my blog is linked to hers)...so cool in fact that this lady has been featured in her local paper for her creativity and wisdom (also nominated at Saga, a UK magazine, for their wise people list). I would like to try it out myself as I often have a hard time knowing what to blog about. Thanks for the inspiration Dayna, if you ever stop by!

what can I say...?

2007-03-23T16:13:00.000-06:00

I am sure NONE of you have ever experienced this before...when your kids don't listen to a word you say even when you have their best interests at heart...I am alone in this problem right?...or fellow employees who ask for input on something important only to have your idea brushed aside...or a polite request of hubby to learn some efficient techniques of home orderliness met with one attempt and then fall off the 'messy wagon' again...or blogging for months about your life and your interests and then getting 'booted out' of 'TOP MOMMA' for not getting enough'clicks...
I wonder at times if anyone in the world hears me...I know it seems terribly selfish but at times wouldn't it be nice to hear the words...
TELL ME MORE O WISE AND HONORABLE ONE (bowing optional).

BOO HOO!

I really do in my heart of hearts know though that all of that does not matter. I would honestly never claim to be wise...though I strive to be wise in my choices and actions. I pray for wisdom and hope earnestly that when required that God would use me as a vessel to help those who need Him.
More importantly would be not ever to act 'the fool'. Honoring God by my actions and words.
I often times have thoughts...questions...opinions but I rarely share them outrightly. Especially biblical thoughts...particularly opinions. I would rather just ask questions...that is safer. I love to talk scripture and from the history of this blog you would never tell. I hope this has not been foolish of me.
Two bible verses help me reconcile this insecurity though, one of which is my life verse:

Phillipians 3:15-16... All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.
and this one I found recently after a wonderful reading on wisdom and youth...in my favorite book of the bible...

Ecclesiastes 12:12-14...But, my child, be warned: There is no end of opinions ready to be expressed. Studying them can go on forever and become very exhausting! Here is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey his commands, for this is the duty of every person. God will judge us for everything we do, including every secret thing, whether good or bad.

I gain SO much comfort from these verses...more than I know how to express. The whole book of Ecclesiastes is like a gentle rain on my soul, a healing balm.
I've sometimes wondered if anyone else out there feels the same way about this book. I tend to love discussions of agreement...ones where you can share similarities and relish common threads of enlightenment. This type of discussion to me is grand! I affirm you...you affirm me and we both give God the glory for the bond we can share over His word...over Him.
what do you have to say...?

Top Momma!

2007-03-22T21:49:00.000-06:00

So...I was trying to find a way to get some more friends...and I came across this cool 'TopMomma' idea on another blog. Being a Mom is tough enough...trying to have a social life on top of that is crazy! I read a shocking statistic recently on how much time people spend in front of their computers (I can never remember the actual numbers I always just choose instantly whether or not the statistic convinces me and then I just remember the thing...not the number involved...anyhow...) I got to thinking that if I want a social life maybe I can find one online. So many other people do it!
So here I am...seeking contact with YOU...whoever you are...Welcome Here...and know that if you are a Mom I think you are also a Top Momma!
I would love if you would click on the Top Momma link and then again click on my picture so that I could be referred to see how many days I last...just for fun!
My picture is the one of my four kids...my 'giant' son Simon is hard to miss.

longing for the first rain!

2007-03-17T09:42:00.000-06:00

I was just visting Justine, a friend of Joelle and I was pleased to find another person on the planet (actually 2...Joelle also agreed) that prefers rain over sun.
You may have noticed my regular seasonal blog color change. I try to change it with each new season to reflect what I love about the season and in spring I crave rain!...in summer even though a mellow sunny day brags the color of the season those colors would not even be possible without a daily...RAIN. Rain would even be sweeter in winter if that were all we got, instead of snow.
Rain cleanses in spring, refreshes in summer, calms the spirit in fall and well...in winter we just get snow so I can't say I know what it would do to my spirit...but i know I would love it!
Some people I know (especially my mom) really struggle with S.A.D.. I think my Opa did too when he was alive. I feel really bad for them that they can't physically handle what I love most. I take after my dad that way. I think he actually helped me love the rain. I have fond memories of seeing him twinkle when it rained in the spring, and in the summer I remember him holdong me in his arms at the window with excitement about the booming thunder...I LOVE a great thundershower...never want them to end...the louder and longer the better.
I actually love when the rain brings me down...even though how at those times I can see how the weather really does physically affect a person. I just tend to let it wrap me up like a soothing blanket is all. I suppose it may be that if I were a druggie I would reach for the downers before I ever would the uppers...I love feeling mellow...soothed and lazy.
RAIN RAIN Come Again!

clean clothes chaos

2007-03-14T17:25:00.000-06:00

why do I hate laundry so much these days? I never used to hate it so much. I think the sheer volume of laundry is what has me frustrated and rejecting it so much. In the spring (which we've had alot of lately) laundry really multiplies. I also have a daughter who changes clothes to suit her moods...which is about 18x's a day! OK maybe only 2 or 3 but all of the kids have free access to drop their clothes in the hamper and she will when she doesn't want to put them away even if they are clean. I will very likely force the kids to help me do laundry soon in their life...not yet though, I don't really trust them yet to do it well enough. I guess anything would be better than me not even bothering lately.
I also wish my laundry room were on the main floor. I have been to peoples houses where it is so and I imagine how nice it would be to just quickly change a load while passing by or waiting for your turn on the john etc. I would also love a big table right there to just quickly fold and run. Wouldn't it also be cool to have everyone just get dressed in the laundry room too...like a big change room...desperate dreams of a working house wife...

new job...almost got stabbed

2007-03-14T07:44:00.000-06:00

I started a new job yesterday, working with two VERY high needs boys in our community. I went to their home yesterday to see how mom copes with them. The family only speaks low german and just arrived here from Mexico a few months ago where the medical attention they would have received was bare minimal. One of the boys was actually institutionalized for a while (I believe just basically overmedicated and stuffed in a wheelchair). They are teenagers who probably would have had a lot of potential in their younger years. I hope we will be able to make breakthroughs in to their future.
Yes...I did almost get stabbed...I was blocking one of the boys from trying to get the Coffee Mate that he loves to eat (the dry stuff) and he was just perseverating and perseverating and then finally reached as far as the knife block in the vacinity and grabbed one out of frustration. I got it from him quickly as he proceeded to bite me...Fun Stuff hey! I don't really believe he knew what he was doing but I do know they are going to be a handful.
I am going there by myself today (yesterday I had 2 others with me) so you can be in prayer for me. I will blog more info about the job another day.

old fart

2007-03-10T07:44:00.000-07:00

my husband is turning forty this week...old fart!
He is sitting here beside me and I keep looking back over my shoulder to see his reaction...he just sits there and then blurts 'what?...I can't read that anyway, its' too small!' I'm gonna start bugging him to get his eyes checked for needing progressives and all the other 'old people' comments I can think of. I am going to be 35 this year, just a spring chicken and so I figure I have about 5 years to keep bugging him until I gets it back to me...it should be fun.
Truthfully...we still feel pretty young. Our life situation contributes to that I believe. Our children are all in school and we have yet to settle down. God has moved us around so often that we have not ever been able to 'age' through marinating in any one spot for too long. It's been nothing but good for our spirits though to be challenged by new things and new people. We have had to leave alot of great friends behind but always have each other and I am blessed with a 'sweet smelling' old fart!

a communication catalyst

2007-02-26T21:51:00.000-07:00

never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that this blog would become such an inspiration to a mother and daughter becoming so united in a cause...a catalyst of communication that very likely surpasses the modern telephone variety. It would even seem as though it is just... that...the blog...and the absence...of the author...as though it carries some mystical, spiritual power all of its own. Why should I fight this miraculous occurence with my vain attempts to entertain through trite thoughts and prose?...they themselves have never gleaned as grand a result as their absence. (If I knew how to encapsulate these thoughts with a frilly filligree or vine art I would...for I feel so poetic at the moment)

ipoor/wiibroke

2007-01-24T20:06:00.000-07:00

How sad!
My son is walking around the basement here with his version of portable music...a really long extension cord plugged into the wall attached to his $10 Superstore DVD player with a pair of big orange spongy earphones that went out with the 90's.
Despite the fact that I have a hard time with the 90's even being gone I must admit that our poor son has convinced me just now with this unintentional pathethic display that YES we are in fact POOR!
I gave him the old speech last week about how he should be happy with dog food for our new puppies rather than whine that he doesn't have a new ipod like all his friends got for Christmas. He took it well. He thinks he might be able to save enough to buy himself one with the sporadic allowance he gets...maybe by the year 2009.
Finances SUCK!

bitter sweet

2006-11-02T13:21:00.000-07:00

We are continually thankful lately for the new benefit plan Tim has as a teacher! YEAH!
What a day to have a family dentist day though...the day after halloween. After yesterdays experience Joshua has sworn off of sugar (wonder how long it'll last). It has been over 6 years since we have been able to afford to go to 'the chair'. It was BAD...very BAD. Everyone has to have work done, especially poor Josh. We got a referral to a clinic in Lethbridge who will sedate him because he has to have atleast two root canals (and four fillings) and I told them 'good luck with that'...even with just nitrous I doubt if we could keep him in the chair, he has anxiety issues.
Tims been living with a broken tooth somehow and the twins have one (Jo-lucky duck who actually brushes when we expect him to) and three (Abbi) cavities
Simon and I had our checkup a couple weeks ago already so I got two fillings last night and have to go for two more at the end of the month.
Simon had oral surgery this morning. He was in pain the poor guy...but no puking! Fortunately they managed to save all the teeth, there was a possibility of extracting two of them with the eight they had to work on. He now has two caps...metal mouth!
We made sure to have a long lecture on the drive home about how we actually really mean it when we tell them to take care of their teeth by brushing every night. If they want to fake it they will have to learn the hard way the consequences involved (particularly Josh and the twins...I guess Simon is too young to expect perfection from quite yet).
The Joys!

untapped strength

2006-10-07T09:55:00.000-06:00

Two times a year most of us go through a process that strengthens and challenges us in ways we had no idea we had capabilities to accomplish...in fact these two times a year bring with them a soul wrenching awareness that we should have been more prepared...we suffer for days following...no soothing balm heals...no human encouragement could even begin to convince our broken esteems from the reality of our shameful position...instead they mock...they scorn...through there own pain.
In fact we scorn together...mockingly...laughing at the torture
OF THE DAMN LEAVES!
Raking...springtime and fall...SUCKS!
Honestly, Did you know you had those muscles all year...hiding in wait?
I'll try to be more prepared for spring this year...ya right!

see the sky again

2006-10-02T08:40:00.000-06:00

tiny cold cheeks against mine, warm sweaters, socks in sandals, hauling out the mitten box, finally a real excuse for hot chocolate, crunchy trails underfoot...seeing the sky again...
a well blown cold nose after a brisk walk, chilly wiener roasts, shades of red, orange, yellow...
Color...Muted...Fading...
Wind against the window pane, I can hear it, feel it, smell it, see it...so clearly.
Passing too quickly. Like other vivid, most beautiful times of my life. Content with the memories.
I collect leaves, for a time, to try to hold on to the season as long as I can...like a snapshot to remember.
Somehow the season has a way of sealing the memories in strong...glazing them to the surface of my heart...for a cold winter.
It will return...
Crisp orchard apples, the sears wish book debut, shorter days with twinkling nights, piles of leaves to jump in, no more flying bugs, harvest, neat rows of canned goods in the cellar, fresh baked cinnamon rolls, wide open freshly plowed fields...so black and clean...perfect backdrop to see the sky again...

healthy chocolate

2006-09-23T00:05:00.000-06:00

We are thinking about trying to get a dog again. We have always liked dogs but the timing was always wrong for us. Now that our kids are older we feel it might be more do-able.
This guy is a painting (gorgeous work hey?) yet he is my idea of a great dog. I would love a chocolate lab but my kids and my husband think a smaller, indoor dog would be the better choice...I guess I agree but yet...a big dog would need a lot more exercise and that's the part I am looking forward to...motivation to get out and take the big mutt and my big butt out for a walk!
Healthy Chocolate!

refreshing

2006-09-22T00:09:00.000-06:00

Some lyrics that I can't get out of my thoughts...good lyrics mind you...
Casting Crowns...their latest CD...LifeSong. Really all the lyrics are inspiring and moving to me but these in particular have meant alot as of late:

...'so refreshing to know you don't need me, so amazing to find that you want me'...

Nothing new really, I guess the lyrics were just needed recently and combined with the tune give me a fresh perspective and inspire a renewed motivation for service.